Shoulders to cry on

Of course, there's more to being a big brother than playing games with your little sister.

Daddy has been dealing with some traumas from his past life, and things came to the boil last night. It's a horrible place to be in, having experienced this particular trauma myself. At times like these, you become really vulnerable, so Daddy wanted to hide with me in his room, but didn't want to hide what was happening from Sis, so asked me to let her know.

So, I went out to Sis, and told her that Daddy was having some big issues, and that she doesn't need to worry about it, but Daddy didn't want to hide it from her. This caused her some serious distress, as far as I can tell because she felt a desperate need to do something about what Daddy was experiencing, but felt like Daddy was holding her at arm's length.

Sis has been struggling with this concept, and I understand the difficulties. One of the hardest things to accept  is that there isn't always a way to take pain away from the people you love. It's a hard lesson, and one that took me a very long time to learn. And it still hurts sometimes, to see Daddy in such pain, to see all the struggles that he goes through everyday.


But that's not my job, and it won't be Sis's, either. I can't take away Daddy's pain, and Daddy neither wants that nor accepts that. Our job is to help Daddy through the pain, to be there when he needs us, to be the hug he needs, to be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it, and, occasionally, to remind him that it's okay to be in pain, and that we're here for him.

I spent some time being her shoulder to cry on, and helped her through her own crisis. It's a hard place to be in, but I know what it's like, and I wanted her to understand that the fact that I get to be Daddy's shoulder right now is just a matter of seniority, not anything wrong with her, and that she needs to realise that she's not going to be able to magically fix Daddy's issues with the world, and she just has to be able to support him, instead. Hopefully she'll realise that with time. And then, I went back to Daddy's room, and made sure that support was there for him right there and then.

A New Member of the Family

So, over the last couple of weeks, Daddy has been talking to a new girl, with a view to her becoming a slave. It's been interesting for me, but not for the reasons you'd think - it's been interesting mostly because of how uninteresting my reaction has been so far.

Last post I talked about I tended to expect emotions to be hard and complex, especially about my Daddy's breakup, but it turned out that they're not that complex at all, and I think that the New Girl's arrival has caused similarly simple emotions as well. I feel, in no real order, happy that my Daddy may finally be getting the slave that he has been craving, excited that a new person is entering our lives, happy when I see the two together (Compersion, I has it!). There's not a lot of other feelings swooshing about, frankly.

One would think that there'd be a certain degree of jealousy, but regular readers would be aware that I really don't work that way. When Daddy is playing with other people, I know that it's not because our relationship is terrible, and that he's about to break up with me - I've been with my Daddy for a while, and frankly, the likelihood of him breaking up with me over someone else? Remote to non-existent.

I mean, sure, there's always that crazy voice in the back of your head, wondering if Daddy's time is going to be taken up by his new slave, but considering how slowly he's taking this, I don't see that happening, and if it does, I know how to communicate about that sort of thing.

So really, I've just been sitting back and enjoying the journey here. I'm here to support my Daddy no matter what direction this goes, because I've got my place on my Daddy's side.