Inklings: Sub-dividing life

Personally, one of the biggest challenges I face in my life is turning the Sub off. I mean, it'd be fine if I was one of those Twue Subs who spend their entire time living around their Dominant, cut off from the rest of the world. But since my Daddy is actually a realist, I have to actually engage with the rest of the world.

And it's so easy to just fall into Sub mode around other people. It's easy to just hunker down, stop caring about your needs and just let yourself get taken in for whatever anyone else has in store. Certainly, I've had years of practice. Schoolyard bullies, parents, brothers, friends, relationships... Just go with the flow, let everyone else have their turn.

But in the outside world, it's a terrible idea. The whole reason why I give myself to my Daddy is because I trust him with my me. I can't make that assumption for anyone else in the world. Everyone else is more likely to take advantage, rather than treat me with respect, if I defer to them.

It's hard to turn the sub off. However, it's important that I keep trying. Because, when you think about it, If you just lie down for everyone, it rather kills the significance of doing it for Daddy. And that is not something I'm okay with.

I Think It Went Well...

So, Friday night was my date with the New Boy (who will get a name on this blog soon, when I think of a decent one), and I think it went pretty well, truth be told.

I decided to go all traditional, so I took him to a nice Mongolian BBQ restaurant, where we had a delicious, tasty meal and took the time to geek at each other incessantly and get to know each other generally over a glass of wine, and then I took him to a very nice cocktail bar and we each got a cocktail.

It was kinda interesting, actually, when he intimated to me that he sometimes has a bit of trouble with public displays of affection in public spaces, since he grew up in a rural town, so very different from my background (where I had gay uncles, and never really got a lot of queerphobia from my family and the world around me until I was in high school). We mused on the fact that we are very similar in a lot of ways. We're both subs, owned by transman doms, who are absolute geeks, into Chastity. And we like each other. It seems like such an incredible match!

After enjoying our very nice cocktails, I asked whether he wanted to come to my place or me to his, and so we decided on his place. When we got there, we relaxed by watching Doctor Who, until I decided to jump him and have some fun with him.

Now, you may have read my previous post and may have noticed something odd. And you would be correctly, actually - Yes, I was in the cage all night, Daddy did not give me the night off for the date. Which, I'll be honest, was perfectly fine by me. It meant I could make the night all about him, and means that I could play with him and have fun giving pleasure, which I always enjoy.

All up, I greatly enjoyed our date, and from all appearances I think the New Boy did too, since he's clearly looking forward to our next date! I think this could become a thing, I think...

Goin' on a date...

I wrote quite recently that I was kinda-courting a new boy. Well, I finally decided to take the plunge and ask him out, with Daddy and his best friend both sitting there being my cheerleaders (and I'm not kidding - there were literally there going "Rah rah rah!" at me, and insisting that I tell them the instant he responded back. I had honestly intended to ask him out in person, but it was getting nearly impossible to get alone time with him, so a text message had to do.

I'm not going to tell you exactly how he replied to that message, but in completely related news I'm going out on a date with him this Friday after work. I'm going to be almost useless at work the day after, but I have confidence that it's going to be absolutely worth it!

I'll admit, I've been quite excited planning and plotting this date, since I almost never go out on dates myself. Figuring out what we'll do, where we'll do it... So many options! So little time to decide. I'd tell you my plans, dear readers, but I happen to know that he's following this blog now, and I'm planning this to be a surprise for him!

New Possibilities.

Quite some time back I talked about having other partners, but as might be expected from reading this blog, it hasn't exactly been a full-time search for me for a very long time. There's been a lot of confusions and a lot of unanswered questions in my head that have been making it very difficult for me to start the process of looking for another partner, and I've not been entirely sure that I've been in the mindset for new partners anyway.

Well, something's changed in the last few weeks, because all of a sudden there's been a particular boy that I've had my eye on. He is a leather-pup (currently owned by a friend of mine) incredibly geeky, quick-witted, cute, and kind-hearted - so, a lot like me. Also, admittedly, it probably helped that the first time we met we ended up snogging, so there's definitely a mutual attraction there.

Of course, there's one important step that, thus far, I haven't actually gone through with yet, and that's actually telling the boy that actually yes I do like-like him. Have had a couple of points where I'd planned to tell him but wasn't able to do it in a private environment, but really that's just partly delay on my end.

I must admit to being a bit excited by the whole thing, even if I feel like a bit of a doofus for having all this attraction and not really feeling like I've done terribly much about it. And vague, flirty text messages are not, unfortunately, a substitute for the more direct "I think you're really hot and I'd like to do dirty things with you".

But, one step at a time, I guess!

Back in Service

The Broken Elbow has led to a very different last few weeks, where I've been released somewhat from a lot of my duties, owing to the fact that I'm not able to do them. It means that I've been stopped from driving places, I've not been able to do dishes or a great deal of cleaning up the house, etc.

And then, last week, I had my wisdom teeth taken out, and from that point Daddy really was being his Daddy best and taking care of me, while I was out of my gourd stoned on painkillers. It's very hard to be of service to your Daddy when you're completely out of it on codeine, while you're waiting for the holes in your gums to close up.

But finally, today, the sling came off. Six long weeks of being cooped up, of effectively having my wings tied up, and today I was finally able to be free. In celebration of this fact, I have been running around the house like a madman getting the place cleaned up after six weeks of letting the place go a little. Washing is still going through the washing machine, Dishes have been done, my room is getting much, much tidier now, and clothes have been folded and put away.

And, you know, blog posts are being done. That's also a very important duty.

But the biggest and most important this was how happy it's all made me. Being able to run around and do those housework things that belong to me has made me so very, very happy, so much that I've been literally dancing with joy all over the house. I feel like a whole bunch of tension has just been worked out of me, for which I am so very happy for.

It's been a loooong time.

So, I kinda fell off the radar the last six weeks or so.

What actually happened was that I broke my right elbow. It was a pretty funny set of circumnstances - I was helping out at the Melbourne Fetish Awards, and managed to trip over a plank of wood. In fact, after missing it the first few times, and without alcohol inside of me. So, yeah, I've had one arm pretty much immobilised and unable to do anything for the last six weeks. Typing is a slow, awkward process, thus I haven't been able to really keep up with my usual schedule.

This, of course, simply means that I'm going to be posting a lot in the next couple of weeks to catch up. It'll be like last November, but fun!

Year 4

So, Last weekend was officially me and Daddy's fourth anniversary as partners. We haven't been a Daddy/boy couple for nearly as long, but as partners together? We're now into our fourth year, which is extremely novel for me, since until now, the biggest anniversary I've ever managed to celebrate was 4 years.

In that four years, I have grown so much, both as a Boy and as a person more generally. When we met, I was still working on an Honours thesis, hoping to get into a PhD and live a life of Academia. I was still hurting from a very painful year, I was living in share housing, and I was still very little.

And now? I've long since abandoned the dream of a university life, I've instead moved towards banking as a job, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, I'm collared to my Daddy, now for over a year, I'm living with my Daddy instead of with others, and I'm slowly, but surely, starting to rebuild that thing called a social life.

Of course, those are only the smallest changes - in four years I have made huge numbers of changes (I've effectively moved once a year in that time, for example), but in a lot of ways, the result is what stands, and from where I'm standing, I can only see my life improving, with me and my Daddy continuing to get what we want and what we need. There'll be changes, there always are, but we've seemed to be pretty good at dealing with the changes as they've come, and I don't see any reason why that will stop.

Here's to hoping that in another four years, thing will be even better!

Moving in with the Daddy

So, it's true - me and Daddy have technically been living together for a while. But living together in a share house is always an awkward state of affairs - there is never any real sense of privacy, and with people always around the house it is difficult to get into a D/s mindset - one always has to be conscious of everyone around them.

But very shortly, that is all going to change. You see, Me and Daddy finally got a new place. It's going to be ours, and ours only. A house that we can manage all to ourselves. A house where I can wear as much or as little as me and my Daddy desire. A place where we can have our own little dungeon to call our own. A place where there can be orders, and dirty sex, and procedures and protocols, and no one around to gainsay us.

It's, of course, not going to be that easy. Me and Daddy have had our D/s relationship on the backburner for quite some time. Oh, it's there, and we both feel it, (I feel it everyday when I feel the collar around my neck), but due to stress, and moving, and no privacy, it's not been something that we have had much chance to genuinely build up. Getting back into the swing of a D/s relationship is going to take work, and I have a strong suspicion that I'm going to feel put upon for a while until my place is firmly assured again.

But to have a place to ourselves again, a place where we can feel safe, where we can let our kink out as much as we desire... The environment will be there, and it will then only be up to us to bring our D/s embers back into a roaring flame.

It's going to be fun. Frankly, I wish we were already moved in!