Other Hooked Up Thoughts

While I greatly enjoyed going to Hooked Up, I'm not going to lie - the fact that it was in a gay bar brought up a whole lot of feelings. Complicated, complicated feelings.

My teenage relationship with sex was really not a good one. As well as the Pornography Addiction, I've also had the tragic twink backstory of looking for love (well, in this case, sex) in all the wrong places. This was, by the by, before I was legal. It was the site of my first BDSM experience (which was entirely out of a porn story, meant that I never got to see the guy's face, and which left me crying in a toilet at the end because I couldn't deal), and in the end I walked away when I actually realised that I was going to sex lounges and wasn't enjoying it at all.

So, I haven't visited a sex-on-premises venue in years. After I was raped, it got even worse - even walking near a gay sex venue started to make me extremely uncomfortable. The thought of being hit on by other men became almost panic-inducing for a while. I've since started to get a little better than that, but that discomfort is still there.

And so, while I had an excellent time at Hooked Up, I still felt quite... uncomfortable for much of the time. I know that the place wasn't unsafe. It was an event where there were plenty of friends, both Daddy and the New Boy were there, but I just couldn't shake the associations of the place. I became so much happier when it was time to help Daddy with his work, because then I could focus on duty, for a change.

And as much as I understand that my past traumas are a part of myself, I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay with places having this kind of effect on me. I don't want to have issue with places I've never been, that I have no history at. I want to be able to go to a new place, and have a good time, be able to make good memories without that creeping feeling of unease.

Hooked Up

Last Sunday, me and Daddy went over to Hooked Up (a Hook Suspension event by The Hanged Man team) at Sircuit. Daddy was helping a friend of ours (actually the New Boy's Sir), and so I went along to help, and to hang out with a lot of our friends.

To be honest, I've loved going to Hooked Up events - at every event, there's this electric energy in the air, Everytime someone goes up in the air, the place erupts into cheers, as people push themselves, as newcomers to the events first look horrified, and then by the end of it are firmly hooked on the whole event as anyone else there.

My Daddy was helping The New Boy's Sir with a phenomenal pull, where his Mistress was suspended via rope, and then attached to his hooks. The New Boy's Sir would then crawl away from his Mistress, who would then be lifted into the air, all the while Daddy was doing energy exchange within the whole rig. It was absolutely phenomenal to watch, and while I'm usually hopeless in sensing the energy in the room, even I could feel the pulse of that scene. It was simply incredible, even if my job was mostly as roadie.

I have to admit to having mixed feelings about hook suspension. There's a part of me that really wants to give it a try, but I'm an absolute pansy - pain is not my game at all. I even have difficulty with a lot of rope suspensions, I'm not sure I'd be up for going up by hooks. But the fantasy, that rather appeals to me. Maybe one day, way, way, waaaaaay in the future, when I've conquered a few more of my fears, when I'm a little braver, when I can take a little more pain.

Then, maybe, we'll see what I'm made of.

I Think It Went Well...

So, Friday night was my date with the New Boy (who will get a name on this blog soon, when I think of a decent one), and I think it went pretty well, truth be told.

I decided to go all traditional, so I took him to a nice Mongolian BBQ restaurant, where we had a delicious, tasty meal and took the time to geek at each other incessantly and get to know each other generally over a glass of wine, and then I took him to a very nice cocktail bar and we each got a cocktail.

It was kinda interesting, actually, when he intimated to me that he sometimes has a bit of trouble with public displays of affection in public spaces, since he grew up in a rural town, so very different from my background (where I had gay uncles, and never really got a lot of queerphobia from my family and the world around me until I was in high school). We mused on the fact that we are very similar in a lot of ways. We're both subs, owned by transman doms, who are absolute geeks, into Chastity. And we like each other. It seems like such an incredible match!

After enjoying our very nice cocktails, I asked whether he wanted to come to my place or me to his, and so we decided on his place. When we got there, we relaxed by watching Doctor Who, until I decided to jump him and have some fun with him.

Now, you may have read my previous post and may have noticed something odd. And you would be correctly, actually - Yes, I was in the cage all night, Daddy did not give me the night off for the date. Which, I'll be honest, was perfectly fine by me. It meant I could make the night all about him, and means that I could play with him and have fun giving pleasure, which I always enjoy.

All up, I greatly enjoyed our date, and from all appearances I think the New Boy did too, since he's clearly looking forward to our next date! I think this could become a thing, I think...