So, a couple of days ago, Daddy was talking to me about an issue that he has with me - it never seems like I get excited about a lot of BDSM stuff. We don't often do a lot of scenes, and a lot of that is because Daddy doesn't seem me getting excited about a lot of things, and those things I am excited about, I'm either doing (like Service and Chastity), or we don't really have the money to make happen (like Violet Wands). I only seem to open up when Daddy tells me to - which is not the point of the endeavour. He wants me to be excited enough about things that I ask him to do them to me on my own accord.
I have to admit that he's on to something there. The lack of scene-type play is because a lot of the stuff I get excited about and like to do is kinda life-style, or very long-term things. Chastity is not really a scene-based kink, and service is something that could be scene-based, but in our case I make it a lifestyle.
Of course, as I was writing this blog post, I happen to see a very sexy picture on Fetlife, and decide to leave crumbs for Daddy to see. It's a picture of a man all tied up, his cock and balls being lifted by rope. The image itself is beautiful, but it totally got me turned on, and Daddy, clearly deciding this was a good thing, told me to strip and get his rope, and we did a slightly different, but still very fun enactment of the photo.
And then, he decided to put me in some predicament bondage, attaching the cock rope to my hair, and forcing it back. Which meant that I had to bend over quite dramatically in order to look down at all. I even decided to try stacking the dishwasher in that state, much to Daddy's amusement. This is all still in my cage, by the way, which by the end was hurting quite a bit, because I'm as hard as anything! Play session, while short, clearly a success!
So, the main thrust of this post is that I may be trawling for more sexy photos on Fetlife and Tumblr, and posting them around, because clearly it gets results! Also, if I had to be fair, It's a much more useful way for me to direct daddy to things I want done, since I often have such difficulty with words. Clearly I'll have to keep trying these things...
Showing posts with label fantasies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fantasies. Show all posts
Monday, June 20, 2011
Friday, November 26, 2010
Day 23: Change of Perspectives
Part of my 30 Days of Kink
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I'm not exactly sure whether my actual interests have changed, or whether I just have a better grasp of what they are, but the sorts of thing that I'm looking for have certainly narrowed somewhat. I used to love the idea of being a pain slut, but of course, after actually realising how much of a pansy I am, that idea's kinda out. There are a few other types of play that I'm no longer interested in after trying them for a bit - I've not had any particularly great experiences with violet wands, for example.
I've also really dropped down on my desire for roleplaying fantasies, which I know makes Daddy a bit sad. It's not even an active dislike for roleplaying, it's just, well, a general ennui for it. I dunno, I remember I used to roleplay at other times, but these days it's just not part of my libido, really.
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I'm not exactly sure whether my actual interests have changed, or whether I just have a better grasp of what they are, but the sorts of thing that I'm looking for have certainly narrowed somewhat. I used to love the idea of being a pain slut, but of course, after actually realising how much of a pansy I am, that idea's kinda out. There are a few other types of play that I'm no longer interested in after trying them for a bit - I've not had any particularly great experiences with violet wands, for example.
I've also really dropped down on my desire for roleplaying fantasies, which I know makes Daddy a bit sad. It's not even an active dislike for roleplaying, it's just, well, a general ennui for it. I dunno, I remember I used to roleplay at other times, but these days it's just not part of my libido, really.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Day 14: Reality vs Fantasy
Part of my 30 Days of Kink
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Well, the obvious answer is that real life BDSM actually happens.
But seriously, the difference? Fantasy BDSM has all the difficult bits cut out. In a fantasy, things can make no sense at all and still be kinky. You can be locked in those chains for hours without any real side effects, You can have strange, magical abilities and noone's the wiser. You can assume, right off the top of the bat that the people you are playing with are as excited about your kink as you are, are totally consenting, and will go as far as you want them to. Whatever you want, is there in your head, right there for your viewing/experiential pleasure.
But the problem is, that perfect fantasy only has room for one person.
Real BDSM means having to deal with the limitations of the world. It means having to work with partners to find a compromise for the kink that you want. It means that sometimes, your partner isn't going to be comfortable with how far you want to go. It means that some really hot things just cause too much discomfort or pain to be able to actually do. It means that on occaision, you have to deal with your partner's kinks, and get excited about them sometimes too. It means that you have to stop the kink sometimes so you can go out into the real world and actually do that living thing.
But it means that you get to share that wonderful experience of Kink with another real life person. It means that you get to find wonderful new things that you would never have imagined you could want to do, and it turns out beautifully. It means that you get to laugh at all those awkward bits and pieces of a scene. It means that you get to actually talk to someone about what you want, and get the thrill of them being happy to try it for you. You get to love your partner/playmate, get to explore things, and then get to help them experience the things they want to. Sometimes you have to bow out, for whatever reason, but that's okay, because they know that you're a real person, not a fantasy, and they'll nurture and help you through whatever's going through your head.
That's the difference. Fantasy Kink is easy and simple, but it's by it's definition a lonely road. Real Kink is challenging, sometimes frustrating, but rewarding, because you're actually sharing an experience with the people around you.
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Well, the obvious answer is that real life BDSM actually happens.
But seriously, the difference? Fantasy BDSM has all the difficult bits cut out. In a fantasy, things can make no sense at all and still be kinky. You can be locked in those chains for hours without any real side effects, You can have strange, magical abilities and noone's the wiser. You can assume, right off the top of the bat that the people you are playing with are as excited about your kink as you are, are totally consenting, and will go as far as you want them to. Whatever you want, is there in your head, right there for your viewing/experiential pleasure.
But the problem is, that perfect fantasy only has room for one person.
Real BDSM means having to deal with the limitations of the world. It means having to work with partners to find a compromise for the kink that you want. It means that sometimes, your partner isn't going to be comfortable with how far you want to go. It means that some really hot things just cause too much discomfort or pain to be able to actually do. It means that on occaision, you have to deal with your partner's kinks, and get excited about them sometimes too. It means that you have to stop the kink sometimes so you can go out into the real world and actually do that living thing.
But it means that you get to share that wonderful experience of Kink with another real life person. It means that you get to find wonderful new things that you would never have imagined you could want to do, and it turns out beautifully. It means that you get to laugh at all those awkward bits and pieces of a scene. It means that you get to actually talk to someone about what you want, and get the thrill of them being happy to try it for you. You get to love your partner/playmate, get to explore things, and then get to help them experience the things they want to. Sometimes you have to bow out, for whatever reason, but that's okay, because they know that you're a real person, not a fantasy, and they'll nurture and help you through whatever's going through your head.
That's the difference. Fantasy Kink is easy and simple, but it's by it's definition a lonely road. Real Kink is challenging, sometimes frustrating, but rewarding, because you're actually sharing an experience with the people around you.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 6: Fantasies
Part of my 30 Days of Kink
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
I actually have a lot of weird fantasies, most of which have absolutely no basis in reality. It's something I've been trying to work out of for me - Having crazy fantasies is fine if you don't have a partner, but when none of your sexual fantasies can be acted out by your partner, it doesn't leave anywhere for your sex life to go really. But, this isn't a Fantasy Boy, it's a 30 Days of Kink, so I get to show you one of my impossible fantasies.
One of my weird fantasies is that of dismemberment - where mine or other people's body parts come apart, without death, and with the limbs still alive and usable. The parts that get to come off are Head, Arms, Legs, Cock, Breasts, Lower Body. In these fantasies, there's usually some sort of swapping going on between partners, and if partners "swap" body parts, those body parts come under their control, although if the body parts don't connect to someone else, they're still under control/sensation of their original owner.
There are quite a few sort of "storylines" that this kind of fantasy lends itself to. The one that I found happened quite a bit was me giving my cock to my (usually female) partner to fuck me with, or to suck off. Another one was there being a "collector" of parts, who would often chop and change parts to make whatever he was interested in at the time, which usually ended up in a massive mishmash of body parts, which the collector would then use for their own pleasure. Another was the simple head-swap - Heads are swapped with another person (usually of opposite gender, but not always), and the two of us play with our own bodies (since obviously, you know where all your favourite bits are!).
This is a pretty cold rendition of this fantasy, but honestly, it's for good reason - as I said, I'm trying to get out of these sorts of fantasies, I'm not terribly interested in writing a full porn story about this.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
I actually have a lot of weird fantasies, most of which have absolutely no basis in reality. It's something I've been trying to work out of for me - Having crazy fantasies is fine if you don't have a partner, but when none of your sexual fantasies can be acted out by your partner, it doesn't leave anywhere for your sex life to go really. But, this isn't a Fantasy Boy, it's a 30 Days of Kink, so I get to show you one of my impossible fantasies.
One of my weird fantasies is that of dismemberment - where mine or other people's body parts come apart, without death, and with the limbs still alive and usable. The parts that get to come off are Head, Arms, Legs, Cock, Breasts, Lower Body. In these fantasies, there's usually some sort of swapping going on between partners, and if partners "swap" body parts, those body parts come under their control, although if the body parts don't connect to someone else, they're still under control/sensation of their original owner.
There are quite a few sort of "storylines" that this kind of fantasy lends itself to. The one that I found happened quite a bit was me giving my cock to my (usually female) partner to fuck me with, or to suck off. Another one was there being a "collector" of parts, who would often chop and change parts to make whatever he was interested in at the time, which usually ended up in a massive mishmash of body parts, which the collector would then use for their own pleasure. Another was the simple head-swap - Heads are swapped with another person (usually of opposite gender, but not always), and the two of us play with our own bodies (since obviously, you know where all your favourite bits are!).
This is a pretty cold rendition of this fantasy, but honestly, it's for good reason - as I said, I'm trying to get out of these sorts of fantasies, I'm not terribly interested in writing a full porn story about this.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The Fear
Those precious few readers I have have probably noticed that I'm not doing a lot of Fantasy Boy Posts anymore. It's been bugging me, why I can't seem to get enough material to fill these posts. It's not that I don't have fantasies, because I have plenty of them. But they're not fantasies based in reality, not fantasies that other people can connect to.
I've talked about this previously, but never in a particularly in-depth way. Last night, when me and Daddy were driving home from a party, we talked for a bit and a few things crystallised for me.
I like to think I'm a very sex-positive person. I believe that sex should be a wonderful thing, that people shouldn't be attacked for their sexuality, whatever form that takes, that it's a perfectly normal facet of existence that people shouldn't be scared of.
However, I am terrified of sex.
And there's a few components to that fear. Firstly, I'm an extremely anxious boy by nature. Anything that's not within my routine can be scary for me, if we have to be honest with each other.
Secondly, and I think this is the big one, I have an intense fear of being vulnerable. I'll admit it - I find it exceptionally difficult to trust people, and that includes my Daddy. I have my reasons for this, and it's not entirely unjustified, but the fact remains, I don't have a lot of trust in the people around me. I depend on them, I feel they are fundamentally good people, and will do a lot for people on the trust that they'll give back when I need, but trusting people with me? Almost never happens. And this lack of trust in people means that breaking down those barriers and being vulnerable is so exceptionally hard.
But where, pray tell, does this connect into my concern about single-player fantasies? It's actually rather simple - Single-player fantasies are safe. They involve only me, and I trust me. Introducing other people into my fantasies instantly makes those fantasies less appealing - because to make those fantasies come to life requires that I be willing to trust those inner-most fantasies to another person, and then trust that they will accept and play that fantasy for me, if I asked, and that's waaaay more vulnerable than I'm comfortable with.
Up until recently, I used to be a roleplayer. I used to come up with fantasies, play them out with a group of people. I used to be able to get reasonably into character (I can't say I was a truly immersive roleplayer, to be honest), I used to be able to provide motivations and plot hooks to try and get an outcome that I wanted. But I can't even dream up a fantasy when it comes to sex. I'm immensely uncomfortable with sex, can barely talk about what I want (hell, can barely talk about what I don't want)...
It's not surprising that I haven't been able to engage with my Daddy to come up with decent fantasies, and even when my Daddy brings his fantasies to the table, it's not surprising that I can't engage with him about it either.
And it funnels into plenty of other parts of my life as well. I keep saying a want another partner, but the idea of connecting with another person enough to have even a play-partner relationship is incredibly scary. The last time I did it, it was still insanely scary, and I barely got through what I wanted. This fear of sex and intimacy is going to kill any future relationships before they happen, and I'm afraid is slowly poisoning the one relationship I currently have. My Daddy has my trust enough that sex isn't much of an issue (although I still have some horrendous hangups), but I'm worried that I'm running from the intimacy angle.
I need to change this. I need to learn to trust, but I'm honestly not sure how I go about it. Before now, I thought I did trust my Daddy, but clearly not enough to get what we both need out of our sex lives.
I've talked about this previously, but never in a particularly in-depth way. Last night, when me and Daddy were driving home from a party, we talked for a bit and a few things crystallised for me.
I like to think I'm a very sex-positive person. I believe that sex should be a wonderful thing, that people shouldn't be attacked for their sexuality, whatever form that takes, that it's a perfectly normal facet of existence that people shouldn't be scared of.
However, I am terrified of sex.
And there's a few components to that fear. Firstly, I'm an extremely anxious boy by nature. Anything that's not within my routine can be scary for me, if we have to be honest with each other.
Secondly, and I think this is the big one, I have an intense fear of being vulnerable. I'll admit it - I find it exceptionally difficult to trust people, and that includes my Daddy. I have my reasons for this, and it's not entirely unjustified, but the fact remains, I don't have a lot of trust in the people around me. I depend on them, I feel they are fundamentally good people, and will do a lot for people on the trust that they'll give back when I need, but trusting people with me? Almost never happens. And this lack of trust in people means that breaking down those barriers and being vulnerable is so exceptionally hard.
But where, pray tell, does this connect into my concern about single-player fantasies? It's actually rather simple - Single-player fantasies are safe. They involve only me, and I trust me. Introducing other people into my fantasies instantly makes those fantasies less appealing - because to make those fantasies come to life requires that I be willing to trust those inner-most fantasies to another person, and then trust that they will accept and play that fantasy for me, if I asked, and that's waaaay more vulnerable than I'm comfortable with.
Up until recently, I used to be a roleplayer. I used to come up with fantasies, play them out with a group of people. I used to be able to get reasonably into character (I can't say I was a truly immersive roleplayer, to be honest), I used to be able to provide motivations and plot hooks to try and get an outcome that I wanted. But I can't even dream up a fantasy when it comes to sex. I'm immensely uncomfortable with sex, can barely talk about what I want (hell, can barely talk about what I don't want)...
It's not surprising that I haven't been able to engage with my Daddy to come up with decent fantasies, and even when my Daddy brings his fantasies to the table, it's not surprising that I can't engage with him about it either.
And it funnels into plenty of other parts of my life as well. I keep saying a want another partner, but the idea of connecting with another person enough to have even a play-partner relationship is incredibly scary. The last time I did it, it was still insanely scary, and I barely got through what I wanted. This fear of sex and intimacy is going to kill any future relationships before they happen, and I'm afraid is slowly poisoning the one relationship I currently have. My Daddy has my trust enough that sex isn't much of an issue (although I still have some horrendous hangups), but I'm worried that I'm running from the intimacy angle.
I need to change this. I need to learn to trust, but I'm honestly not sure how I go about it. Before now, I thought I did trust my Daddy, but clearly not enough to get what we both need out of our sex lives.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Fantasy Boy for May, 2010
This week has been a rather quiet one on the kinky front. Me and my Daddy continue to trundle along, so there's not a great deal to report this week, and my experiments in chastity have been put on hold for a while as I recover from the Sickness That Refuses To Die.
So, with no news, I give my dear readers another look into my Various fantasies.
Cage living
As me and Daddy have talked about the various logistics of moving in together, it's brought back to mind going back to sleeping in the cage again. The fantasies around this are pretty simplistic, but adding it to moving in together just adds to it. In my little fantasy world, I see that my bedroom becomes my Cageroom, and I don't really have a bed anymore (my bed becomes the guest bed, or possibly my Daddy's bed - either way, it stops being my general sleeping locale). To be frank, I really, really loved sleeping in the cage, even if it was uncomfortable and hard and cold, and I often woke up during the night, needing to stretch out my knees because they had started to cramp. Sleeping in the cage made me feel more at home than any other protocol that we had set up.
Due to various reasons, I stopped sleeping in the cage, but I still miss it deeply. If it was going to be my sole sleeping accomodation, I'd probably sit down and made some more comfortable bedding for the inside of the cage, because hard steel floors are probably not brilliant for my body, but I can't wait until sleeping in the cage becomes a reality once more.
Being a canvas
I have rather high exhibitionist tendencies. I like being the centre of attention, I like being noticed, and this goes beyond BDSM. It's among the many reasons why I love playing in public with my Daddy - because he gets to show off his skills, and I get to have the fun of being the centre of those skills for a while. I also often have this big desire to be part of the creative process. It's one of the reasons I tend to feel a little odd when I'm watching people I know be really creative - there's a level of jealousy watching people create because that's never been my forte - I don't create things from scratch, I take what others have made and either duplicate or elaborate. Where my Daddy can take components in the kitchen and figure out how to make something new that will taste delicious, I look at what I have, and figure out how to make stuff I already know from what's left over (I'm very much a packet cooker in the kitchen, I rarely make things all the way from scratch).
So, the idea of being a model, or otherwise being within the creation process makes me feel like I'm in the part of the creative process that I desperately want to be part of, but never seem to be able to get myself into. Not just for my Daddy's rope-work, although that's something I do wish we did more often. Also things like being the canvas for body art, or being a model for photography, even if, frankly, I suck at modelling (too much of an exhibitionist, in this case, I can't act natural in front of a camera).
So, with no news, I give my dear readers another look into my Various fantasies.
Cage living
As me and Daddy have talked about the various logistics of moving in together, it's brought back to mind going back to sleeping in the cage again. The fantasies around this are pretty simplistic, but adding it to moving in together just adds to it. In my little fantasy world, I see that my bedroom becomes my Cageroom, and I don't really have a bed anymore (my bed becomes the guest bed, or possibly my Daddy's bed - either way, it stops being my general sleeping locale). To be frank, I really, really loved sleeping in the cage, even if it was uncomfortable and hard and cold, and I often woke up during the night, needing to stretch out my knees because they had started to cramp. Sleeping in the cage made me feel more at home than any other protocol that we had set up.
Due to various reasons, I stopped sleeping in the cage, but I still miss it deeply. If it was going to be my sole sleeping accomodation, I'd probably sit down and made some more comfortable bedding for the inside of the cage, because hard steel floors are probably not brilliant for my body, but I can't wait until sleeping in the cage becomes a reality once more.
Being a canvas
I have rather high exhibitionist tendencies. I like being the centre of attention, I like being noticed, and this goes beyond BDSM. It's among the many reasons why I love playing in public with my Daddy - because he gets to show off his skills, and I get to have the fun of being the centre of those skills for a while. I also often have this big desire to be part of the creative process. It's one of the reasons I tend to feel a little odd when I'm watching people I know be really creative - there's a level of jealousy watching people create because that's never been my forte - I don't create things from scratch, I take what others have made and either duplicate or elaborate. Where my Daddy can take components in the kitchen and figure out how to make something new that will taste delicious, I look at what I have, and figure out how to make stuff I already know from what's left over (I'm very much a packet cooker in the kitchen, I rarely make things all the way from scratch).
So, the idea of being a model, or otherwise being within the creation process makes me feel like I'm in the part of the creative process that I desperately want to be part of, but never seem to be able to get myself into. Not just for my Daddy's rope-work, although that's something I do wish we did more often. Also things like being the canvas for body art, or being a model for photography, even if, frankly, I suck at modelling (too much of an exhibitionist, in this case, I can't act natural in front of a camera).
Monday, May 3, 2010
A boy with lovely locks...
So, yesterday was the day - we went and got a CB-6000 chastity device. Rather than buy one sight unseen over the internet, we decided to go to a physical store in Melbourne to buy it (we ended up going to Mannhaus, which I cannot strongly recommend enough). After talking with the lovely Richard about various devices, I ended up going for the CB-6000, instead of the Curve. The only thing we were worried about was sizing, but we also wanted something that would be mostly inconspicuous under clothing, so the 6000 it was.
When me and Daddy got home, we decided to try getting it on, which as it turned out was a lot more trouble than imagined. Since, of course, chastity is one of my biggest fantasies, and my Daddy was helping, it meant that getting it on was as much a matter of frantic 2-3 seconds of getting it in, realising we'd missed the opportunity, then waiting for me to calm down enough to give it another try. Still, after a good half an hour of work, we finally reached the point where we could lock it up, and we decided, since it took so much damn effort getting it on in the first place, that we'd keep me locked up for the night as we went out.
So, there were a few things I was expecting, and a few things I wasn't. The big thing I wasn't really expecting was how hyper-aware of your penis it makes you. It's probably just because I'm not used to having a big plastic cage over my penis, but when you're walking around, or sitting down, or doing just about any sort of movement, you're all of a sudden aware of the fact that you're in the cage.
Speaking of the hyperawareness, I kept expecting that people will be able to see the bulges, or otherwise be able to figure it out. I know that it's just anxiety on my behalf - the actual lines of the device are not visible under clothing, not even under my nice-fitting jeans. Not surprising, seeing as that's what we bought them for!
The other thing that I wasn't expecting was how little pain there was when I did get hard in the cage. I was preparing myself for every erection to be a very uncomfortable and horrible affair, but actually it's not terribly difficult at all. It's mostly just a sensation of things being a bit tight, and then it sorta goes away after a while.
I did find that after hugging my Daddy for a while, the 6000 got extremely uncomfortable, and we ended up taking it off for the night. I haven't started wearing it again until this evening, which is when Daddy and I took photos of the device.
Tonight is the night where I'm going to try sleeping with it on. Daddy is trying to ease me into long-term wear, so he's ordered me to take it off in the morning unless it's completely and totally comfortable still in the morning. I admit, I really want to believe that I can keep it on straight off (as it were), but I guess it's a matter of waiting and seeing, really.
It will be interesting to see what happens from here. First I have a lock around my neck, now a lock around my cock. I wonder how many locks I'll be wearing at the end of this journey?
When me and Daddy got home, we decided to try getting it on, which as it turned out was a lot more trouble than imagined. Since, of course, chastity is one of my biggest fantasies, and my Daddy was helping, it meant that getting it on was as much a matter of frantic 2-3 seconds of getting it in, realising we'd missed the opportunity, then waiting for me to calm down enough to give it another try. Still, after a good half an hour of work, we finally reached the point where we could lock it up, and we decided, since it took so much damn effort getting it on in the first place, that we'd keep me locked up for the night as we went out.
So, there were a few things I was expecting, and a few things I wasn't. The big thing I wasn't really expecting was how hyper-aware of your penis it makes you. It's probably just because I'm not used to having a big plastic cage over my penis, but when you're walking around, or sitting down, or doing just about any sort of movement, you're all of a sudden aware of the fact that you're in the cage.
Speaking of the hyperawareness, I kept expecting that people will be able to see the bulges, or otherwise be able to figure it out. I know that it's just anxiety on my behalf - the actual lines of the device are not visible under clothing, not even under my nice-fitting jeans. Not surprising, seeing as that's what we bought them for!
The other thing that I wasn't expecting was how little pain there was when I did get hard in the cage. I was preparing myself for every erection to be a very uncomfortable and horrible affair, but actually it's not terribly difficult at all. It's mostly just a sensation of things being a bit tight, and then it sorta goes away after a while.
I did find that after hugging my Daddy for a while, the 6000 got extremely uncomfortable, and we ended up taking it off for the night. I haven't started wearing it again until this evening, which is when Daddy and I took photos of the device.
Tonight is the night where I'm going to try sleeping with it on. Daddy is trying to ease me into long-term wear, so he's ordered me to take it off in the morning unless it's completely and totally comfortable still in the morning. I admit, I really want to believe that I can keep it on straight off (as it were), but I guess it's a matter of waiting and seeing, really.
It will be interesting to see what happens from here. First I have a lock around my neck, now a lock around my cock. I wonder how many locks I'll be wearing at the end of this journey?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Fantasy Boy for April, 2010
So, last month I missed my regular Fantasy Boy segment, but I still want it to be regular, so here we go! This month, I'm devoting my fantasy list to my Dominant side - here are some fantasies where I'm doing things, rather than merely receiving things from others. Some of these fantasies straddle the line, somewhat, but they're all related to my dominant side.
Training Dom
I have a sub, a sub that is wholly mine, at least for a session. But of course, I'm a very inexperienced Dom, and my Daddy knows that. So, what better thing to do than to have my Daddy "supervise" my Domminess? He teaches me about each implement I use, tells me exactly how to use each device. As we get further into the session, I become less of an extension of my Daddy's will, and become more willing to branch out, experiment with my new-found skills, and as
Okay, so this is a little bit cheaty, but it's a huge fantasy, the Dom training the sub to be a better Dom. It's a fantasy with a goal - I don't have a lot of experience in a lot of Dommy areas. And it's the kind of fantasy where I get to have both sides at once - I get to actively Switch in the same scene, and that's an intensely exciting idea for me.
Me and Daddy don't tend to participate together in scenes a lot, mostly because when people ask to scene with Daddy, they're asking for him, in particular, and it's very poor taste to bait and switch and turn a scene into a training scene for little Dom-in-training. But in all honesty? I have a desire to have Dom skills at least half as awesome as my Daddy's skills. That itself would be pretty awesome.
The Suitcase of Sensation
In a previous post, I made mention of being interested in building up my collection of sensation tools (at the moment, if I'm playing with sensation stuff, it tends to get a bit MacGuyverish, as I rummage through the blindfolds, floggers, crops and other toys in my toybox and press them into alternative usage. But in my head, I have this idea of an entire suitcase, dedicated to sensation play. Gloves made of any number of materials, wartenburg wheels and other pointy things, massagers, even (in this wonderful, fantastic world), funky cold devices and heat-wands. This box full of play equipment comes out when I have avictim play-partner on the table. I blindfold them, and then one by one, they get to experience every sensation at my disposal, always guessing what might come next, and what I'm really doing to them at that point. At the end, they get to guess which sensations are which, and how I did everything I did.
Training Dom
I have a sub, a sub that is wholly mine, at least for a session. But of course, I'm a very inexperienced Dom, and my Daddy knows that. So, what better thing to do than to have my Daddy "supervise" my Domminess? He teaches me about each implement I use, tells me exactly how to use each device. As we get further into the session, I become less of an extension of my Daddy's will, and become more willing to branch out, experiment with my new-found skills, and as
Okay, so this is a little bit cheaty, but it's a huge fantasy, the Dom training the sub to be a better Dom. It's a fantasy with a goal - I don't have a lot of experience in a lot of Dommy areas. And it's the kind of fantasy where I get to have both sides at once - I get to actively Switch in the same scene, and that's an intensely exciting idea for me.
Me and Daddy don't tend to participate together in scenes a lot, mostly because when people ask to scene with Daddy, they're asking for him, in particular, and it's very poor taste to bait and switch and turn a scene into a training scene for little Dom-in-training. But in all honesty? I have a desire to have Dom skills at least half as awesome as my Daddy's skills. That itself would be pretty awesome.
The Suitcase of Sensation
In a previous post, I made mention of being interested in building up my collection of sensation tools (at the moment, if I'm playing with sensation stuff, it tends to get a bit MacGuyverish, as I rummage through the blindfolds, floggers, crops and other toys in my toybox and press them into alternative usage. But in my head, I have this idea of an entire suitcase, dedicated to sensation play. Gloves made of any number of materials, wartenburg wheels and other pointy things, massagers, even (in this wonderful, fantastic world), funky cold devices and heat-wands. This box full of play equipment comes out when I have a
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Fantasies and Goals
So, my last post I noticed myself making a curious distinction - There was this big idea in my head that things I definitely want to do, are more goals, rather than fantasies. If I think something in my head is something I want to do, it's not considered a fantasy.
On the other hand, Daddy often points that every single one of his fantasies is something that he would like to do. He doesn't like fantasizing about things that he knows will never happen, because, among other things, he considers it pointless - why spend mental time thinking about something that you're never going to do?
It's something of a conflict point for the two of us, as Daddy gets frustrated at how rarely I seem to come up with fantasies he can participate in and work with me in, and thus he doesn't get a lot of knowledge on what I want to do with him (and that last one's definitely a fair complaint. I think a lot of it goes down to why I fantasize, which is this: I fantasize to get away from reality, not to plan it.
For me, my fantasies have always been about escape. When I was very young, I would spend a lot of evenings in my parent's backyard, weaving big, elaborate fantasies in my head, and imagining those fantasies. These were often big, epic science fiction-type fantasies, with heavily fantastical elements. Now, at the time, my school life wasn't a terribly happy one - for most of my school life I was bullied terribly, and while I liked school work, I often stressed about getting things in on time.
When I reached adolescence (which was still quite a stressful time), I still used fantasies as a way of escaping the world, and once I discovered masturbation, this same process of fantasy just got translated into sexual fantasy. When I fantasized about sexual imagery, I wasn't constrained by reality (or even knowledge - a lot of my early fantasies showed astoundingly little knowledge of human anatomy!). At the same time, I definitely wasn't getting invited to the kinds of parties where teen sex was going on, so I never got any actual sexual experience (of either gender) for most of my school years.
And so these days, my fantasies (while a little more realistic) still incorporate massive amounts of truly fantastical elements, and for me, this is fine - I honestly don't expect any of my fantasies to come true, and if they did, it'd probably seriously freak me out.
However, this leads to a problem - Because this escapism is a happy experience for me, I'd much rather escape than honestly think about the type of sex and kink that I'm looking to actually perform with my Daddy (or any other partner, for that matter). So, it leads to the problem mentioned earlier - Daddy can't really get excited about sex with me because the fantasies I provide he can't use, and when I try to come up with ideas that I definitely want to do, I get stuck, because I just don't end up fantasizing about things that I ever expect to do.
Part of the reason I started making the Fantasy Boy posts is because of this problem - it was a way of trying to give my Daddy an insight into my fantasies, but the first attempt went rather awry - when I tried to come up with fantasies with no real fantastical elements, I still ended up with fantasies that were physically impossible, or where things that my Daddy doesn't have the resources to arrange for me. This month I tried to honestly find fantasies that I know we can do in the short term, but that kind of thinking is so incredibly restricting to me. It's not only a tiny subset of the things I fantasize about, it's also a list of things that don't really come up in the kind of fantasies I masturbate to.
And while the escapism is a big thing, I think this also comes down to the other big problem - I have great difficulties talking about sex, and what I want in sex, even to myself. And that's an issue that I can't avoid - if I want Daddy to stay engaged sexually with me, I can't just say "do whatever" - that's not how things work.
On the other hand, Daddy often points that every single one of his fantasies is something that he would like to do. He doesn't like fantasizing about things that he knows will never happen, because, among other things, he considers it pointless - why spend mental time thinking about something that you're never going to do?
It's something of a conflict point for the two of us, as Daddy gets frustrated at how rarely I seem to come up with fantasies he can participate in and work with me in, and thus he doesn't get a lot of knowledge on what I want to do with him (and that last one's definitely a fair complaint. I think a lot of it goes down to why I fantasize, which is this: I fantasize to get away from reality, not to plan it.
For me, my fantasies have always been about escape. When I was very young, I would spend a lot of evenings in my parent's backyard, weaving big, elaborate fantasies in my head, and imagining those fantasies. These were often big, epic science fiction-type fantasies, with heavily fantastical elements. Now, at the time, my school life wasn't a terribly happy one - for most of my school life I was bullied terribly, and while I liked school work, I often stressed about getting things in on time.
When I reached adolescence (which was still quite a stressful time), I still used fantasies as a way of escaping the world, and once I discovered masturbation, this same process of fantasy just got translated into sexual fantasy. When I fantasized about sexual imagery, I wasn't constrained by reality (or even knowledge - a lot of my early fantasies showed astoundingly little knowledge of human anatomy!). At the same time, I definitely wasn't getting invited to the kinds of parties where teen sex was going on, so I never got any actual sexual experience (of either gender) for most of my school years.
And so these days, my fantasies (while a little more realistic) still incorporate massive amounts of truly fantastical elements, and for me, this is fine - I honestly don't expect any of my fantasies to come true, and if they did, it'd probably seriously freak me out.
However, this leads to a problem - Because this escapism is a happy experience for me, I'd much rather escape than honestly think about the type of sex and kink that I'm looking to actually perform with my Daddy (or any other partner, for that matter). So, it leads to the problem mentioned earlier - Daddy can't really get excited about sex with me because the fantasies I provide he can't use, and when I try to come up with ideas that I definitely want to do, I get stuck, because I just don't end up fantasizing about things that I ever expect to do.
Part of the reason I started making the Fantasy Boy posts is because of this problem - it was a way of trying to give my Daddy an insight into my fantasies, but the first attempt went rather awry - when I tried to come up with fantasies with no real fantastical elements, I still ended up with fantasies that were physically impossible, or where things that my Daddy doesn't have the resources to arrange for me. This month I tried to honestly find fantasies that I know we can do in the short term, but that kind of thinking is so incredibly restricting to me. It's not only a tiny subset of the things I fantasize about, it's also a list of things that don't really come up in the kind of fantasies I masturbate to.
And while the escapism is a big thing, I think this also comes down to the other big problem - I have great difficulties talking about sex, and what I want in sex, even to myself. And that's an issue that I can't avoid - if I want Daddy to stay engaged sexually with me, I can't just say "do whatever" - that's not how things work.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Fantasy Boy for February, 2010
Once again, I offer to allow you into my crazy head, and offer you a selection of sexual fantasies from within my head. In deference to my Daddy, who does seriously want some fantasies he can follow through on, this month I work even harder on fantasies that are actually doable in real life.
Cock in a Cage
This one should be no surprise, but a fantasy that comes up a lot is the fantasy of my cock being locked away in a chastity device. Although I'm not sure if this counts as a fantasy or a fantasy element, because this come up in a lot of different fantasy stories. In some fantasies, I'm locked up, and then left in some public sex venue, to please any and all people who desire, but never being able to be pleasured myself (Ha! It's worth pointing that I get a whole lot more pleasure out of bottoming!). There are fantasies of my Daddy, for whatever reason being taken from my life, and the cage still being on, because of course, I could never unlock whatever my daddy has locked away.
I think a lot of this fantasy is connected to the issues I have around sex in general, and about my sexuality in specific. To be locked up? It's to deny me one of the major parts of myself, to put myself purely in the service of others. It means I don't have to be concerned about my sex drive, or my pleasure - I can choose for sex to be purely an act given to another, robbing sex of a lot of power in my mind.
Anal Training
As much a goal as it is a fantasy (ooh! What an interesting distinction. I shall write about that next post, I think!), I have a great desire to be trained to have a much more pliable butt. As much as I enjoy anal sex, My butt is naturally very tight, and I'm a very anxious person. I keep imagining being forced through a training regime, regardless of the pain or the discomfort, having my butt stretched out, of being able to take more than a couple of fingers without half an hour of preparation.
It's a very odd fantasy, to be sure, so very small and low. The fact is, I love anal so much, and I really wish it wasn't, well, such a pain in the arse. I want to be able to have a much wider range of anal play than I do now.
It's getting late, and it's very close to my bedtime. I think I will leave it at that for this month of Fantasy Boy!
Cock in a Cage
This one should be no surprise, but a fantasy that comes up a lot is the fantasy of my cock being locked away in a chastity device. Although I'm not sure if this counts as a fantasy or a fantasy element, because this come up in a lot of different fantasy stories. In some fantasies, I'm locked up, and then left in some public sex venue, to please any and all people who desire, but never being able to be pleasured myself (Ha! It's worth pointing that I get a whole lot more pleasure out of bottoming!). There are fantasies of my Daddy, for whatever reason being taken from my life, and the cage still being on, because of course, I could never unlock whatever my daddy has locked away.
I think a lot of this fantasy is connected to the issues I have around sex in general, and about my sexuality in specific. To be locked up? It's to deny me one of the major parts of myself, to put myself purely in the service of others. It means I don't have to be concerned about my sex drive, or my pleasure - I can choose for sex to be purely an act given to another, robbing sex of a lot of power in my mind.
Anal Training
As much a goal as it is a fantasy (ooh! What an interesting distinction. I shall write about that next post, I think!), I have a great desire to be trained to have a much more pliable butt. As much as I enjoy anal sex, My butt is naturally very tight, and I'm a very anxious person. I keep imagining being forced through a training regime, regardless of the pain or the discomfort, having my butt stretched out, of being able to take more than a couple of fingers without half an hour of preparation.
It's a very odd fantasy, to be sure, so very small and low. The fact is, I love anal so much, and I really wish it wasn't, well, such a pain in the arse. I want to be able to have a much wider range of anal play than I do now.
It's getting late, and it's very close to my bedtime. I think I will leave it at that for this month of Fantasy Boy!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Fantasy Boy for January, 2010
As I wrote a little earlier in the month, I am trying to improve my ability to communicate with my Daddy, especially when it comes to things I want sexually and BDSM-wise. It's something that is a sticking point between us - Daddy can't really push me into the directions I want unless I can communicate where I want to go. So, each month, I'm promising to write in this blog three fantasies of mine. This month I am making an effort to put down fantasies that may possibly have some basis in reality, that are at least semi-connected to reality (as many of mine are not).
Genital Suspension
One image which comes up a lot in my head is the idea of being suspended from my genitals. Daddy ties up my cock (like he has often done), then he hooks me up to a suspension point. At which point he hoists me up. In the most erotic fantasies, my cock is the only attachment - there's no other support holding me up. It would be even more incredible if it was done in public, but that's probably because most of my suspension experience has been in public.
This fantasy is really hot for me for several reasons - firstly it combines two things that I love - CBT and Suspension. Secondly, it's a whole lot more hardcore than anything I have tried to date - most of my CBT experience is sadly very low-level, and I would like to try to do CBT experiences that are much more intense.
Cage Transit
A fantasy that's come up fairly recently is one where I am placed in a cage (preferable naked). That cage is then loaded into a truck, or a van, or some other vehicle where I'm not able to see where I'm going. There's a number of other cages in the van, full of other people, whom I don't know. No one in the truck knows where we are going, but the trip is very long. There are often stops along the way, but we are never allowed out. Possibly even on one occaision, the truck stops, and the cages are taken out of the cage into a loading bay, to be loaded into another truck for the next leg of the trip. This goes on until we are at our apparent destination.
Why do I find this fantasy hot? The obvious one is the sheer amount of dehumanisation in this fantasy - the people in the cage (including me), are treated as nothing more than cargo, animal cargo at the very best. There's an element of fear play as well - noone knows what's going to happen to us at the end of the trip.
Mental Programming
In this fantasy, my Daddy (or some other Domly figure), puts me through an extended hypnotic reprogramming, in order to make me an unwitting submissive slut. My Daddy keeps a codeword that, when he uses it, forces me to stop whatever I am doing, and listen only to him. Whatever he says next, I must follow to the best of my ability. He has other codewords, that he can use to make me generally horny, or that he can use to remove any fear or anxiety from my mind, so he may experiment on me at will. These codewords also have the benefit that I feel entirely happy when he uses them on me - I begin to look forward to him using these codewords on me, to him replacing my will with his own.
Why I find this fantasy hot is pretty obvious - it's a no-mental-effort way of me becoming "the perfect subby". It's such a very neat way for me to avoid dealing with all my issues, and even dealing with my life in general, and letting someone else deal with it instead. It's the perfect way of making someone else give me what I want, and hey, it's my fantasy, I can be selfish if I want. :)
Genital Suspension
One image which comes up a lot in my head is the idea of being suspended from my genitals. Daddy ties up my cock (like he has often done), then he hooks me up to a suspension point. At which point he hoists me up. In the most erotic fantasies, my cock is the only attachment - there's no other support holding me up. It would be even more incredible if it was done in public, but that's probably because most of my suspension experience has been in public.
This fantasy is really hot for me for several reasons - firstly it combines two things that I love - CBT and Suspension. Secondly, it's a whole lot more hardcore than anything I have tried to date - most of my CBT experience is sadly very low-level, and I would like to try to do CBT experiences that are much more intense.
Cage Transit
A fantasy that's come up fairly recently is one where I am placed in a cage (preferable naked). That cage is then loaded into a truck, or a van, or some other vehicle where I'm not able to see where I'm going. There's a number of other cages in the van, full of other people, whom I don't know. No one in the truck knows where we are going, but the trip is very long. There are often stops along the way, but we are never allowed out. Possibly even on one occaision, the truck stops, and the cages are taken out of the cage into a loading bay, to be loaded into another truck for the next leg of the trip. This goes on until we are at our apparent destination.
Why do I find this fantasy hot? The obvious one is the sheer amount of dehumanisation in this fantasy - the people in the cage (including me), are treated as nothing more than cargo, animal cargo at the very best. There's an element of fear play as well - noone knows what's going to happen to us at the end of the trip.
Mental Programming
In this fantasy, my Daddy (or some other Domly figure), puts me through an extended hypnotic reprogramming, in order to make me an unwitting submissive slut. My Daddy keeps a codeword that, when he uses it, forces me to stop whatever I am doing, and listen only to him. Whatever he says next, I must follow to the best of my ability. He has other codewords, that he can use to make me generally horny, or that he can use to remove any fear or anxiety from my mind, so he may experiment on me at will. These codewords also have the benefit that I feel entirely happy when he uses them on me - I begin to look forward to him using these codewords on me, to him replacing my will with his own.
Why I find this fantasy hot is pretty obvious - it's a no-mental-effort way of me becoming "the perfect subby". It's such a very neat way for me to avoid dealing with all my issues, and even dealing with my life in general, and letting someone else deal with it instead. It's the perfect way of making someone else give me what I want, and hey, it's my fantasy, I can be selfish if I want. :)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Don't Touch The Boy
So, one of my big kinks is orgasm control and denial. When I was younger, on those nights along in the house I would have at least hour-long masturbation sessions, because the lead up to orgasm was always so much more fun to me than the climax. Even these days, I often feel a little let down once I orgasm if I'm on my own - At that point, I know the fun is over.
So, when we play, there's almost always an element of teasing, often for quite some time, before I'm allowed to come. I like long sessions, I have no shame in this at all, because once I've come, the physical fun's over for me for at least a while (and while I enjoy being around. And it's also a matter of self-control - even though I know that I love the extended fun, the pressure to get to the finish is always intense, and that battle of wills with myself is always a fun one.
And even from the start of our relationship, I have always asked my Daddy if I may come, as a matter of course. My daddy having control over my sexual activities is a massive turn on. Which, admittedly, can be a problem when it comes to orgasm denial. Or, as my daddy points out, just adds to the fun.
About six months ago, we decided to go for an extended session of denial - around about a month in total. It started going out for a week, then we extended it a bit longer, then we just kept going. Constant teasing the entire time, of course, and with me pleasing my daddy in the meantime. It was absolutely brilliant. By the end of the month, I had become so damn randy that when we went to our favourite bdsm club, I was salivating over literally every damn person in that house. It was apparently quite amusing to my Daddy!
The reason, of course, as to why I make this post is because we've decided to go for another session of extended denial, that started last Sunday. We haven't talked about any particular milestone for this session, although we made jokes about going through all the way to next New Years. Which is simultaneously awesome and terrifying. Add to this the fact that we have been looking at possibly locking me up in a cock cage (something like this, perhaps), which would add to the fun even more! The idea of putting my cock under my daddy's control so totally that he has the key... it's a beautiful dream. I can't wait until we have the money to buy something like this, it's one of my biggest fantasies.
And of course, while I write this, my Daddy is sitting right on top of me, with his crotch right in my face, constantly teasing me. I might have to stop right here. I think he wants something from me...
So, when we play, there's almost always an element of teasing, often for quite some time, before I'm allowed to come. I like long sessions, I have no shame in this at all, because once I've come, the physical fun's over for me for at least a while (and while I enjoy being around. And it's also a matter of self-control - even though I know that I love the extended fun, the pressure to get to the finish is always intense, and that battle of wills with myself is always a fun one.
And even from the start of our relationship, I have always asked my Daddy if I may come, as a matter of course. My daddy having control over my sexual activities is a massive turn on. Which, admittedly, can be a problem when it comes to orgasm denial. Or, as my daddy points out, just adds to the fun.
About six months ago, we decided to go for an extended session of denial - around about a month in total. It started going out for a week, then we extended it a bit longer, then we just kept going. Constant teasing the entire time, of course, and with me pleasing my daddy in the meantime. It was absolutely brilliant. By the end of the month, I had become so damn randy that when we went to our favourite bdsm club, I was salivating over literally every damn person in that house. It was apparently quite amusing to my Daddy!
The reason, of course, as to why I make this post is because we've decided to go for another session of extended denial, that started last Sunday. We haven't talked about any particular milestone for this session, although we made jokes about going through all the way to next New Years. Which is simultaneously awesome and terrifying. Add to this the fact that we have been looking at possibly locking me up in a cock cage (something like this, perhaps), which would add to the fun even more! The idea of putting my cock under my daddy's control so totally that he has the key... it's a beautiful dream. I can't wait until we have the money to buy something like this, it's one of my biggest fantasies.
And of course, while I write this, my Daddy is sitting right on top of me, with his crotch right in my face, constantly teasing me. I might have to stop right here. I think he wants something from me...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Fantasy Boy
Last night me and my Daddy had a long talk about fantasies.
See, it's coming up to an anniversary for us, and we've been a bit lost as to what we would like to do for it. We don't have a great deal of money this year, so things like going on a weekend holiday aren't really available to us this year, so we've been trying to come up with ideas that we can use. One idea that we ended up talking about at length was getting a third for a night, and we ended up coming up short on a very odd point - what would we do with a third, exactly?
And from there, we started talking about our fantasies, or more accurately, the fact that I don't tend to bring mine up a lot. And it occurred to me that this is a very important topic.
It has never been easy for me to discuss my fantasies. There's a few reasons for this, I feel. The first is that it's very difficult for me to talk about me anyway. Sexual fantasies are just one aspect.
The second one is that sex itself is really hard for me to talk about. I've been raised by conservative parents, in a culture that drives explicit talk about sex into the underground, and so I instinctively label my sexuality as something that doesn't get talked about. This has not helped in the Sex addiction department, as you might expect - When sex itself is this dirty, underground thing, it's rather difficult to get up and ask for help from those around you. But I digress. Sex is still such an enormous taboo in my head, that communicating about it is really damn difficult. I can think about it, I can figure out what to say, but saying it? Not so much.
Then there's the third reason, which is vocabulary. If I can talk about my fantasies, the only language that I can really use is the language of porn. And porn language sounds (to me, anyway) extremely silly and ridiculous when spoken out loud. Just doesn't work for me. I can't get into actually speaking aloud my fantasies in any detail because I'm struck by the sheer embarrassment of speaking in porn. I suspect though, that this third reason is closely connected to the second reason. It probably seems very silly and ridiculous because Porn isn't supposed to be uttered where just anyone can hear it - it's for internal use only, so to speak.
So, after identifying the issues, what can I do to resolve this? Well, it's clear to me that speaking to my Daddy about these issues is something I'm going to have to work on, but on the other hand, it's really horrible that I know a lot of my Daddy's fantasies, but he knows practically none of mine. This is an unfair imbalance of communication.
So what I intend to do, is once a month, I will (at least attempt) to write down some of my fantasies in this blog, and publish it for the world to see (or at least my Daddy, anyway). If I can't say it out loud, I should at least be able to write them down. Even if it takes forever, even if I can only write one paragraph before I can't take it any more, even a little bit is better than nothing. It's unfair that my Daddy have so little knowledge of what I like, seeing as, you know, a relationship is supposed to be about give and take.
Stay tuned: Fantasies may follow in the near future.
See, it's coming up to an anniversary for us, and we've been a bit lost as to what we would like to do for it. We don't have a great deal of money this year, so things like going on a weekend holiday aren't really available to us this year, so we've been trying to come up with ideas that we can use. One idea that we ended up talking about at length was getting a third for a night, and we ended up coming up short on a very odd point - what would we do with a third, exactly?
And from there, we started talking about our fantasies, or more accurately, the fact that I don't tend to bring mine up a lot. And it occurred to me that this is a very important topic.
It has never been easy for me to discuss my fantasies. There's a few reasons for this, I feel. The first is that it's very difficult for me to talk about me anyway. Sexual fantasies are just one aspect.
The second one is that sex itself is really hard for me to talk about. I've been raised by conservative parents, in a culture that drives explicit talk about sex into the underground, and so I instinctively label my sexuality as something that doesn't get talked about. This has not helped in the Sex addiction department, as you might expect - When sex itself is this dirty, underground thing, it's rather difficult to get up and ask for help from those around you. But I digress. Sex is still such an enormous taboo in my head, that communicating about it is really damn difficult. I can think about it, I can figure out what to say, but saying it? Not so much.
Then there's the third reason, which is vocabulary. If I can talk about my fantasies, the only language that I can really use is the language of porn. And porn language sounds (to me, anyway) extremely silly and ridiculous when spoken out loud. Just doesn't work for me. I can't get into actually speaking aloud my fantasies in any detail because I'm struck by the sheer embarrassment of speaking in porn. I suspect though, that this third reason is closely connected to the second reason. It probably seems very silly and ridiculous because Porn isn't supposed to be uttered where just anyone can hear it - it's for internal use only, so to speak.
So, after identifying the issues, what can I do to resolve this? Well, it's clear to me that speaking to my Daddy about these issues is something I'm going to have to work on, but on the other hand, it's really horrible that I know a lot of my Daddy's fantasies, but he knows practically none of mine. This is an unfair imbalance of communication.
So what I intend to do, is once a month, I will (at least attempt) to write down some of my fantasies in this blog, and publish it for the world to see (or at least my Daddy, anyway). If I can't say it out loud, I should at least be able to write them down. Even if it takes forever, even if I can only write one paragraph before I can't take it any more, even a little bit is better than nothing. It's unfair that my Daddy have so little knowledge of what I like, seeing as, you know, a relationship is supposed to be about give and take.
Stay tuned: Fantasies may follow in the near future.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
