Day 22: Healthy Relationships

Part of my 30 Days of Kink

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

To be totally honest, I'm not sure there's terribly much of a difference.

First and foremost, there must be respect. A dom must respect their sub, and their sub must respect their dom in return. If two people are in a disrespectful position in regards to each other, the relationship is bound to become painful and angry, for no real benefit. So first, there must be respect.

Second, there must be open communication. There's this big stereotype that a sub just does whatever the dom wants, and never has their own desires, but I don't think that's typically the best idea. If a sub is never able to speak up, the relationship may turn abusive before anyone even knows it. So, a sub must always be able to speak their mind to their dom. How the dom chooses to deal with this information is up to them, but there must be communication regardless. This applies to the other way around of course, but that seems to be assumed by a lot of people, and so it's worth visiting. A dom who doesn't communicate to their sub does their sub a great disservice. Not knowing how they are going or adapting to their dom's desires and wishes is just going to result in the sub becoming confused and frustrated.

I had a whole lot of other points, but a lot of them are just more combinations of the above two. Respecting limits is important, as is knowing your own limits in the first place, Approaching problems in an adult fashion is very important as well, learning to argue properly, rather than just having shouting matches, etc. etc. are all very useful, and very important parts of any relationship, kink or vanilla.

Day 2: Your Kinks

Part of my 30 Days of Kink

Day 2: List your kinks.

Good lord, this could take some time. I could just list my BDSM Checklist here, but I think I'll just focus on my big kinks.

First up - I'm a huge sensation slut, for touch in particular. Touch is probably one of my most aware sensations in any play. Alas, my pain tolerance is quite low, so while I love sensation, I have a rocky relationship with pain. I like warm, cold (to an extent), scratchy and soft, all the major feely groups.

The one exception to this is CBT. It's not necessarily that I can deal with more pain in that area (although apparently I can to an extent), but the extremity of sensation that CBT can give to me is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I'm looking forward to engaging in more CBT, truth be told - I feel like I've only scratched the surface of what I'm capable of here.

As a subset of the sensation play, I'm big into Electrical Play. Again, this is something that I have only a little experience in, and would love to explore a little more. This is, unfortunately, one of those parts of BDSM that's quite expensive to get into properly, but I have faith in getting right into it some day! I'm one of those people who really love the sensations that a TENS unit can offer, and I'm even a little into the sort of electrical shocks that, say, electric fences provide. This goes into the whole sensation thing, but it's probably worth shaking out a bit further.

I'm also a big fan of confinement, in it's myriad forms. I especially like being tied up, but I also like being in cages. In fact, I'm writing this post while in a cage! But honestly, there's not much of a limit - put me in leather, put me in rope, wrap me in cling film, no matter how you go about it, as long as my movement's confined, I'm all for it.

One of my biggest turn ons is service. To give my time and my effort to another is a great gift, and being willing to accept it for what it is is incredibly arousing for me. A lot of it is just a natural extension of loving to do chores and such, but there's plenty of other reasons, that I may elaborate on later.

I also love cross-dressing. I like playing as girl for little moments in time. It's one of the reasons I keep my hair long - it means that I can have long, flowing hair, no wig required! :)

I also like animal play. I don't really specify which animal, because when I do do animal play, I'm just a Boy-pet, a weird cat-dog-thing that has it's own rules, and is very insistent on attention!

I also like being exhibitionist - it feeds into the whole wanting attention thing. Of course, the exhibitionism these days isn't something I dwell on too much - I have something akin to a career these days, and I have quite significant trust issues as well, so my exhibitionist tendencies tend to be somewhat mellowed these days.

I'm living and loving orgasm denial. Again, I think it comes back to being confined, but regardless, orgasm denial is a huge, major kink of mine. I even more love the idea of being in physical chastity, being kept in a chastity device. Again, this is something that I'm going to wait until I have more money to pursue further, though.