Something Sweet

I have a lot of demons in my life. Breakups that went terribly wrong, Sexual Assault, Addictions, they all haunt me to some degree, and the thing about those demons is that often they can stop you from living your life to the fullest. You spend so much time battling those demons, (or sometimes just the shadows they left behind), that you just don't have the energy to grow in the right directions.

I'm not sure what my subconscious is telling me, but last night, I dreamt that I confronted my ex-girlfriend. While she was telling lies about me to people around me, in my own dream house, I snapped. I got up, I got angry, and I confronted her about what she was saying, told her in no uncertain terms that I was not going to let her words infect my friends and my life.

And it worked! Oh, she started to fight back, but I stood firm, and told her that what she was saying was untrue, that what she implied had always been untrue, and that she was to leave my house, and not come back. She fell silent, and walked out the door.

There was a feeling in me that I couldn't really describe. Elation, Accomplishment, Relief, Victory, all of these and probably more. It was a beautiful feeling, so beautiful that I woke up. I really didn't want to wake up, but I was there with a smile on my face. I held onto that feeling for dear life, I was determined to take that feeling into sleep, have it by the time I woke up properly. It didn't survive the next few dreams, but I know what I'd accomplished.

Dreams aren't reality of course. But thoughts are, and feelings are. They're real, and cause real changes to the world. I think this is one demon that I have robbed of it's power over me. If it threatens me again, I'll remember this victory, and I can warn it that I can smack it down any time I like.