Shoulders to cry on

Of course, there's more to being a big brother than playing games with your little sister.

Daddy has been dealing with some traumas from his past life, and things came to the boil last night. It's a horrible place to be in, having experienced this particular trauma myself. At times like these, you become really vulnerable, so Daddy wanted to hide with me in his room, but didn't want to hide what was happening from Sis, so asked me to let her know.

So, I went out to Sis, and told her that Daddy was having some big issues, and that she doesn't need to worry about it, but Daddy didn't want to hide it from her. This caused her some serious distress, as far as I can tell because she felt a desperate need to do something about what Daddy was experiencing, but felt like Daddy was holding her at arm's length.

Sis has been struggling with this concept, and I understand the difficulties. One of the hardest things to accept  is that there isn't always a way to take pain away from the people you love. It's a hard lesson, and one that took me a very long time to learn. And it still hurts sometimes, to see Daddy in such pain, to see all the struggles that he goes through everyday.


But that's not my job, and it won't be Sis's, either. I can't take away Daddy's pain, and Daddy neither wants that nor accepts that. Our job is to help Daddy through the pain, to be there when he needs us, to be the hug he needs, to be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it, and, occasionally, to remind him that it's okay to be in pain, and that we're here for him.

I spent some time being her shoulder to cry on, and helped her through her own crisis. It's a hard place to be in, but I know what it's like, and I wanted her to understand that the fact that I get to be Daddy's shoulder right now is just a matter of seniority, not anything wrong with her, and that she needs to realise that she's not going to be able to magically fix Daddy's issues with the world, and she just has to be able to support him, instead. Hopefully she'll realise that with time. And then, I went back to Daddy's room, and made sure that support was there for him right there and then.

Family

It's very common in the Leather scene to refer to your group of relationships as a "Family". I suspect, though, that most families don't quite take it that literally.

Me and Daddy's Girl have been slowly working out our own relationship between each other, and it's turning out to be a bit more... childlike than I expect Daddy has considered. I've been feeling very much in an Elder Sibling space with her, while she's been reciprocating a good deal. There's been a lot of tongue-poking, and a lot of childish ribbing between each other.

I say this because I'm not sure Daddy knew what he was in for when the two of us starting testing our bounds. There's been more than a bit of face-palming around our behaviour. It's worse because a lot of the time we do it while we're eating out in public. And I can't tell a lie - it's really fun to bounce off each other. It's almost a game-within-the-game - who's reaction is the one that brings up the face-palm.

I am a bit concerned that Daddy will eventually stop the fun, and tell us to grow up, at least a little. I mean, yeah, we're really childish a lot of the time. We could probably stand to be a little bit more adult. 

But then, there would be no face-palm. And that would be tragic.

Putting my Boots on

I wrote a while back about Daddy taking my Leathers away, for me to earn them back. I've now past the first step. Last week, Daddy gave me my Boots back.

It was a simple ceremony, in front of me and His Girl. He went into his room, after I'd put on his boots, and grabbed my boots out. He told me that he now felt that I had honestly begun walking the walk, instead of just talking the talk. He then gave me my boots, and told me to put them on.

To be fair, I'd been a little worried previously. I'd committed to earning my leathers, but I hadn't quite grokked what I needed to earn each piece. I know that Leather is not a set of unlockable achievements that earn you new clothing items, it's not like there's this set set of hoops that I jump through, and there's my reward at the end. There are certain elements of Leather that aren't exactly definable, that you only realise that you're following once you're well and truly on the path.

But with that said, I have sometimes felt like there hasn't been a great deal of guidance on the way. I've gone to Leather events, read book, talked to Leather people, but what my path is, and what my milestones are? It's been something of a mystery.

Now that I have my first item, I feel like I have a bit more direction now. I have some clue as to what I'm expecting, and that's a good thing to me.

A Gooooood Suspension

Suspension is the big thing that my Daddy is known for in the scene, but bizarrely I don't get suspended all that often. Some of it is the fact that "I can get suspended at any time", so anytime we go out to an event other people tend to take priority over me. The second reason is that I'm just not that great a Suspension bottom - I'm not particularly flexible, so I can't do a lot of the prettier poses, and I tend to "fight" the suspension somewhat - as much as I enjoy being up, and playing with my Daddy, I have a really hard time relaxing into the suspension.

Tonight, however, I got the chance to be taken up by Daddy.

He first looked me in the eye, told me that I needed to relax. He kept looking at me, willing me to relax, as I tried as best as I could. He tells me "You need to trust me", then he took his grey handkerchief and put it over my eyes, like a blindfold. He tied my arms to either side of the suspension frame. And then began all the ties, the harnesses, the lines that are needed to hoist anyone up.

I worked so hard on keeping myself relaxed through the whole process. Daddy had told me I needed to be relaxed, and so relaxed I would be. I would make him proud, I would be a good bottom tonight.

I kept myself still, while blindfolded, and finally, I felt him starting to hoist me up, body first then legs. I felt myself spinning around, as Daddy turned me around for all to see. I felt his face in front of me, his body touching my face. I tell him I love him, so much, and we kissed, in front of everyone watching.

Alas, the ropes began to bite into my chest, and I knew that, as much as I want to, my body cannot stay up much longer, and I told Daddy that I needed to come down. I wasn't up long, not more than a couple of minutes, all up. But as I get hoisted down, and as Daddy unties me and takes off my blindfold, the bright lights in my eyes, I ask Daddy "Did I do it? Did I make you proud?"

Daddy looked at me, and I could see the answer in his eyes before he spoke. "Yes, you made me proud". For the first time, I felt light-headed and floaty. This isn't my usual reaction to suspensions, but honestly, I don't mind. I like this feeling.

I help Daddy pack up his rope, and then go with him to a couch in the club. I hug him, hold onto him, I don't want to let him go. He looks at me. "Oh! I can see it there, you're having a feeling!". He's right, I am having a feeling. I've not felt this close to my Daddy in ages, maybe ever. When I think back on the feeling, I have to ask myself, is this what Daddy was wanting all this time? Is this the fabled "spiritual connection" that I could never seem to muster during our previous play?

But back in the moment, I'm not thinking about the feeling. I just want to feel it. I also never want to let my Daddy go. But alas, the feeling, the moment, it passes. Daddy and his girl start preparing for their play, and the connection passes.