Day 22: Healthy Relationships

Part of my 30 Days of Kink

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

To be totally honest, I'm not sure there's terribly much of a difference.

First and foremost, there must be respect. A dom must respect their sub, and their sub must respect their dom in return. If two people are in a disrespectful position in regards to each other, the relationship is bound to become painful and angry, for no real benefit. So first, there must be respect.

Second, there must be open communication. There's this big stereotype that a sub just does whatever the dom wants, and never has their own desires, but I don't think that's typically the best idea. If a sub is never able to speak up, the relationship may turn abusive before anyone even knows it. So, a sub must always be able to speak their mind to their dom. How the dom chooses to deal with this information is up to them, but there must be communication regardless. This applies to the other way around of course, but that seems to be assumed by a lot of people, and so it's worth visiting. A dom who doesn't communicate to their sub does their sub a great disservice. Not knowing how they are going or adapting to their dom's desires and wishes is just going to result in the sub becoming confused and frustrated.

I had a whole lot of other points, but a lot of them are just more combinations of the above two. Respecting limits is important, as is knowing your own limits in the first place, Approaching problems in an adult fashion is very important as well, learning to argue properly, rather than just having shouting matches, etc. etc. are all very useful, and very important parts of any relationship, kink or vanilla.