Seeking Self: Fear

What are you afraid of?

Let's go through them from smallest to biggest.

I am afraid of the 1950s. Okay, maybe fear is a little too strong for it. More correctly, the sort of perfect, 1950s sitcom atmosphere creeps me the hell out. It's one of the easiest ways to put me on edge in any media, especially because these days noone plays it straight. 1950s households always hold some terrible secret these days. So, yeah, 1950s kink really creeps me out a lot.

I'm afraid of bugs. Specifically, bugs that I have designated "dangerous bugs" - insects and arachnids that can bite, sting, or swarm me. It's probably not a stupid fear, but as things tend to go, I take it pretty far - I don't make distinction between harmless and harmful species of spiders and bees/wasps, etc.

I'm afraid more generally of Armageddon. It's not exactly a fear that I worry about a lot, but hey, you never said that these had to be fears you deal with everyday!

I'm afraid I'll never amount to much. That I'll end up one of those people who coulda been something, but never had the guts to do what they had to.

I'm afraid of losing the people I love. There was a while where when Daddy talked about suicidal thoughts to me, he then had to talk me down because I was convinced that that meant that he was going to kill himself and leave me alone. I'm a bit better with this one these days, but it's still a fear that's within me.

I'm also afraid of people not liking me. It's one of those particularly common fears that a lot of people seem to have, but in a lot of ways it's one of my more influential fears. On the one hand, it makes me work really hard to be as congenial as possible, to push myself to become a person who is capable of liking and being liked by a very large number of people. On the other hand, though, it leaves me a wreck when someone decides to attack me, it often makes me incapable of showing my emotions right there and then, etc. Decidedly a double-edged sword there.

And I think that's enough for tonight.