Romanticising Suffering

Todays Psych session was oddly relevant today, to my BDSM stuff.

We were talking about my Daddy's breakup, and while I thought I'd have some serious conflicts about it, it turns out that my emotions are actually nice and straightforward - I'm sad that my Daddy is sad, and I'm sad that I likely won't be seeing a person I liked very often from this point. But that's about it, really - I have no real conflicts about the whole kibosh.

But it brought up a more interesting question - why I thought there would be more complex emotions involved. He pointed out to me an odd phenomenon which comes up a lot in my mind - the fact that I almost strive for suffering, like it's a good thing.

Now, don't get me wrong - to suffer at the hands of your dominant is not necessarily a bad thing. But I have this view in my head that I must suffer - that I always take the hard road, always do things by the least efficient method, that I don't feel I've accomplished anything if I didn't suffer through it. Really, I've put this romantic spin on suffering, and I think part of that is that the suffering that I've been through in life has lead me to the person I am now, with all it's kindness, compassion, and willingness to listen.

But the fact is, I don't need suffering to learn things. I don't need to suffer through everyday life to learn things in life, I can just, you know, learn stuff by looking around. There's no need to complicate things by pushing myself to inflict pain and woe upon me just because it builds character.

Rocking on

A couple of days ago, Daddy's girlfriend broke up with him.

There are times where Daddy takes care of me, and there are times, like this, when I need to take care of him. It's part of the D/s relationship that not a lot of people get to see, but the fact is, part of my role as my Daddy's boy is to take care of him.

No, actually, I take that back. It's not part of my role as a boy, but part of my role as a partner. Even if we weren't in the relationship we were in, I'd still consider it vital to take care of Daddy doing times of sadness and trauma. But people forget that, sometimes, in a D/s relationship. That sometimes, the greatest service you can give is just to be there, with hugs and pats, to be willing to sit there and help your partner talk through the mess of emotions, and make sense of what the hell just happened.

And it's a service I willingly, and happily, give.

My Daddy, when talking to me last night, said how grateful he was at how stable and secure I was. That he'd never felt secure before, and that I was the one who kept him that way. I was his rock, something he could hold on to when the rest of the world changed and shifted.

It was one of the greatest compliments I've ever received. So I'll keep rocking on for my Daddy. I like being a rock.