A Boy and his Puppy

I have a puppy inside of me.

As much as I identify as a boy, I really do enjoy puppy play. I'm not sure if I love it enough that I want to base my entire world around it, but it's definitely one of my favourite styles of play.

Last Thursday me and my Daddy went to a Leather Forum, due to some unforseen circumnstances, we ended up watching a documentary on a Pup and his daddy. It was an absolute charming documentary, and brought a few things to the fore for me, including a few differences in how I perceive puppy play as opposed to how the Pup described his experiences.

A lot of Pups describe their experience of puppy-play as almost a subsuming of themselves into the puppy, in such a way that while they are a puppy, the cares and worries of the world just don't matter - for all intents and purposes, they become a puppy in mind and body, and that's one of the attractions for them - they can not care about their human lives for a while.

I'm not sure I'd describe my experiences that way, though. To me, when I'm in puppy space, I don't disappear at all. What usually happens is that I take a back seat - I'm still aware of everything that's happening, but I'm not the one calling the shots. Instead, Pup is. If someone says something to me while I'm in Pup mode, I still hear it, and I may still mentally respond to it, but Pup doesn't - well, unless it's an order or if it's an offer of pats!

In a lot of ways, it feels like Pup is some completely different entity to me, some other creature that's linked to me. I can get Pup to do things every so often, and I can influence Pup's behaviour in certain ways, but Pup has priority when he's in charge. If I can borrow terminology from the multiple community, it's sortof a co-fronting arrangement. We're both there, and we're both aware of each other, but one's always in charge - the other just gets to watch and have consulting privileges.

On the other hand though, I can sense that Pup is not a "real" creature in my head. Pup's not very well-formed, and there are often gaps in his self, especially if he's in a new environment. For example, last night someone was practising with a dragontail whip while Pup was around. Pup's not been around Dragontails before, and didn't have a response for it. At that point, I had to "fill in" that part of Pup's personality - in this case, I decided that Pup was afraid of Dragontails, and started hiding. When Daddy came into the room, Pup hid behind him, which was kindof cute. Once I'd filled in that detail, Pup reacted to stimuli just as I'd expected. This happens a bit - At a previous event, I'd decided that Pup barks at moving lights (which makes bringing Pup out at events in clubs kindof interesting.

I guess in a way, Pup is kinda semi-autonomous. Pup is clearly something I've built in my head, but once I set him in one way, it's difficult for me to set him on another path. It will be very interesting to see where pup goes from this point forward.