An unfortunate absence

You will probably have noticed that I've been gone for the last month or so. The simple answer is that life has frankly completely exploded, and updating this blog was absolutely the last thing on my mind. With all the stress and disaster going on in my life, it's brought my kink life to a total standstill, as me and my Daddy struggle just to keep ourselves safe and sane. Further, moving Daddy out of his apartment into my sharehouse means that he hasn't had a lot of energy to devote to our kink.

Worse, the stress of the last few weeks seems to be pushing me back into old patterns. It's not surprising I guess - when under enough stress, you start turning back to the behaviours that you used to cope with the stress, and of course, the behaviours are still in your head, just waiting to reactivate. But there were good reason for me turning away from those behaviours, as they make me incredibly unhappy, and this just adds further and further to the stress. About the only times where I can feel like the stress isn't there is in the arms of my Daddy, which just makes the periods away from him even harder. I'm hoping that I have the inner strength to wrench myself away from those old patterns again, but it seems so hard this time.

To be honest, despite me not really being in much of a headspace, I miss a lot of our D/s. I have been doing random acts of service to my Daddy, as much as I can, I have been his support as he goes through some very stressful times in his life, but of course, I'm also going through stress, so this is a time where I have needed my Daddy just as much. And he has been there for me so much, I am so glad to have him, and I'm so glad that he is there with me.

And I am torn somewhat, because as much as I would crave more D/s during this time, I know that ultimately, it's not going to be healthy - it would be a way to distract myself from the emotions that I have. My job already gives me enough of that - talking to people for my entire work period means I can just lock away my emotions behind my demeanor on the phone. And it simply doesn't work - I've broken down once from not facing the emotions. Running away from myself by being all-consumed by my Daddy is a wonderful dream, but would be so unhealthy for me that it would tear me apart, and my Daddy would rightly stop me from doing so.

So it seems that I am in something of an unfortunate absence. My D/s duties are lighter than I would like, and yet, I'm concerned that any heavier and I'll destroy myself. I guess the answer is to simply take everything one step at a time, to know that I have permission from the world to slow down and recover, and to not think I'm recovered already. Today, Daddy has promised me another go in my chastity cage, after a very long time without, and I can't wait to see how this goes.