Fantasy Boy

Last night me and my Daddy had a long talk about fantasies.

See, it's coming up to an anniversary for us, and we've been a bit lost as to what we would like to do for it. We don't have a great deal of money this year, so things like going on a weekend holiday aren't really available to us this year, so we've been trying to come up with ideas that we can use. One idea that we ended up talking about at length was getting a third for a night, and we ended up coming up short on a very odd point - what would we do with a third, exactly?

And from there, we started talking about our fantasies, or more accurately, the fact that I don't tend to bring mine up a lot. And it occurred to me that this is a very important topic.

It has never been easy for me to discuss my fantasies. There's a few reasons for this, I feel. The first is that it's very difficult for me to talk about me anyway. Sexual fantasies are just one aspect.

The second one is that sex itself is really hard for me to talk about. I've been raised by conservative parents, in a culture that drives explicit talk about sex into the underground, and so I instinctively label my sexuality as something that doesn't get talked about. This has not helped in the Sex addiction department, as you might expect - When sex itself is this dirty, underground thing, it's rather difficult to get up and ask for help from those around you. But I digress. Sex is still such an enormous taboo in my head, that communicating about it is really damn difficult. I can think about it, I can figure out what to say, but saying it? Not so much.

Then there's the third reason, which is vocabulary. If I can talk about my fantasies, the only language that I can really use is the language of porn. And porn language sounds (to me, anyway) extremely silly and ridiculous when spoken out loud. Just doesn't work for me. I can't get into actually speaking aloud my fantasies in any detail because I'm struck by the sheer embarrassment of speaking in porn. I suspect though, that this third reason is closely connected to the second reason. It probably seems very silly and ridiculous because Porn isn't supposed to be uttered where just anyone can hear it - it's for internal use only, so to speak.

So, after identifying the issues, what can I do to resolve this? Well, it's clear to me that speaking to my Daddy about these issues is something I'm going to have to work on, but on the other hand, it's really horrible that I know a lot of my Daddy's fantasies, but he knows practically none of mine. This is an unfair imbalance of communication.

So what I intend to do, is once a month, I will (at least attempt) to write down some of my fantasies in this blog, and publish it for the world to see (or at least my Daddy, anyway). If I can't say it out loud, I should at least be able to write them down. Even if it takes forever, even if I can only write one paragraph before I can't take it any more, even a little bit is better than nothing. It's unfair that my Daddy have so little knowledge of what I like, seeing as, you know, a relationship is supposed to be about give and take.

Stay tuned: Fantasies may follow in the near future.