Defiance

It started with a silly argument.

You know, those tiny little arguments that mean absolutely nothing at all. In this case, it was whether restaurants should serve Caesar Salad with tomatoes in it. Daddy had expressed disgust at the notion, while I thought that it would be delicious and that I'd love to try it at a restaurant. Jokingly, Daddy told me to take back what I'd said, to say that a restaurant should never serve Caesar Salad with tomatoes. I refused, saying that I cannot tell a lie to my Daddy.

As the joking argument went on, I made concessions. I told him he'd won. I'd told him he was right. But I wouldn't say it. I wouldn't say the words he had told me to say. He revoked my "nomming" privileges. I fought back, trying to nom him without such privileges, he then restrained me with my hair. Still, I wouldn't say the words he told me to say.

And so I started to hug Daddy, to move the conversation away from the order given - to win the fight by running away, so to speak. But even then Daddy held firm, telling me, again, to say the words. I told him, again and again, I couldn't - that Daddy had told me never to lie to him, and that to say those words would be a lie.

In the end, I relented. I said those words. I qualified them at the end, of course, trying to save face, but I did what my Daddy told me to do. I said the words he instructed me to say.

And afterwards, once all the giggles and laughter left, we felt that something had happened then. The ridiculousness of the situation hid the fact that there was a serious play for power in that conversation. I was directly defying my Daddy's demands, almost blatantly. My Daddy, realising that defiance, then pushed to reassert his control. The two of us started feeling uneasy, and I, especially, became quite concerned at what had happened, As we talked about the problems, I got more and more disconcerted at what had happenned.

Thing is, I'm a generally congenial person. My submission to my Daddy is given freely - what he wants, I want. In return, I trust my Daddy not to ask me to do something that would be impossible or dangerous for me to do. My submission is one where, simply, I am required to do what I would normally do anyway.

In this case, I made the decision to actively fight against my Daddy, and my Daddy made the decision to enforce his will. This was a scary thing - it's the first time our wills have been tested against each other, and as might be expected, I was the one that lost. Before this point, me and Daddy's relationship was a safe one, one in where I knew that Daddy would never force me to do things, only order me to. Now, I know better - Daddy can use force against me.

Later on that night, we hugged and talked more about it. My fearful reaction to the whole affair had triggered something much deeper in my head - If I was reacting this badly to my Daddy's force, was I really able to be his Boy? Could I really go on with this. Then a sudden fear of abandonment came over me. If I can't be his boy, that'll mean he'll take my collar away from, me, and if he does that, I can't be with him anymore, and things will go badly and everything will collapse on our relationship. Needless to say, some seriously powerful emotions, and I broke down in his arms.

Daddy, thankfully, calmed me down. He and I pointed out to me that I was never going to be a perfect boy, that he didn't expect perfection, and my reaction to his force would only break our relationship apart if that was what I wanted. Slowly, but surely, I started to calm down, started to push away from that primal fear of abandonment. Then, we went out, me in a rope harness, had dinner, missed a movie, and otherwise enjoyed the night. Daddy had planned for that night to reconnect the two of us to our BDSM side, by some surreptitious public play, but instead it seems the world knew better how to make us connect.