Being the Best for Daddy

The Melbourne Leather Alliance is organising a big, full-blown, high-protocol dinner. Yesterday me and Daddy went to the home of the people who will be hosting the event, as Daddy is going to be involved with food preparation.

As well as talk about food, there was discussion of basic protocols, and how the subs were going to interact and be treated. One thing that the organisers are planning to be quite insistent on is that the doms will not be served by their own subs - instead, they will be served by anyone else. All personal protocols will be left at the door, and there will instead be the group protocol that everyone, dom and sub, will be required to follow.

This has lead to a bit of interesting discussion with Daddy, specifically that because I won't be serving him directly, I have more expectations on me at this dinner - he's told me quite emphatically that he expects me to be the best submissive at that dinner. It is expected of me that whoever I serve should be shown just how a sub is to behave, and what it is to be served.

Trust Daddy to pile on the pressure in an unfamiliar environment!

I do understand why Daddy is deciding to indulge his competitive streak - mainly because it's there and also because he genuinely wants me to excel. At dinner after the meeting he said quite plainly to me "I expect you to be paying perfect attention at the practice meetings, and I expect to see you practising at home". I'm the sort of person who generally doesn't worry about making mistakes, so long as the task gets done, and I'm also aware that Daddy is trying very hard to put this sort of behaviour to bed, and ensure that I'm focused and attentive to orders at all times.

So, yes, I'm a bit worried about how well I'm going to do. As much as I'd love to be perfect in my service, I'm just not at the moment. Although that's the entire point of the exercise, I guess!

I Think It Went Well...

So, Friday night was my date with the New Boy (who will get a name on this blog soon, when I think of a decent one), and I think it went pretty well, truth be told.

I decided to go all traditional, so I took him to a nice Mongolian BBQ restaurant, where we had a delicious, tasty meal and took the time to geek at each other incessantly and get to know each other generally over a glass of wine, and then I took him to a very nice cocktail bar and we each got a cocktail.

It was kinda interesting, actually, when he intimated to me that he sometimes has a bit of trouble with public displays of affection in public spaces, since he grew up in a rural town, so very different from my background (where I had gay uncles, and never really got a lot of queerphobia from my family and the world around me until I was in high school). We mused on the fact that we are very similar in a lot of ways. We're both subs, owned by transman doms, who are absolute geeks, into Chastity. And we like each other. It seems like such an incredible match!

After enjoying our very nice cocktails, I asked whether he wanted to come to my place or me to his, and so we decided on his place. When we got there, we relaxed by watching Doctor Who, until I decided to jump him and have some fun with him.

Now, you may have read my previous post and may have noticed something odd. And you would be correctly, actually - Yes, I was in the cage all night, Daddy did not give me the night off for the date. Which, I'll be honest, was perfectly fine by me. It meant I could make the night all about him, and means that I could play with him and have fun giving pleasure, which I always enjoy.

All up, I greatly enjoyed our date, and from all appearances I think the New Boy did too, since he's clearly looking forward to our next date! I think this could become a thing, I think...

Caged Back In

This week, Daddy decided that since I've healed up, I get to go into the Birdcage on a more long-term basis. I'd gotten to sleep in it once when we first got it, but my arm being in a sling made wearing the device long term untenable (since having it on does make a whole lot of things more awkward). But now, I'm healed up, feeling a hell of a lot better, and now, the Birdcage is on on a full-time basis!

So, I've now been in the Birdcage for almost a week (7 days on, 1 day off in the middle, which is I think a new record for me in the cage!), and so, I think I've been wearing it for long enough to have some thoughts about being in it longer-term:

• It's really pretty, especially on me. It's nice and shiny, and it looks, well, vaguely natural, compared to the clear plastic of the CB6000.


• It's surprisingly comfortable, truth be told. For something made out of hard, unyielding steel, it's actually really comfortable to wear for the most part. The trickiest issues are wearing it under clothes and having to surreptitiously adjust the device when I sit down, or am driving, since the most comfortable position standing up is rarely the same as sitting down, and underwear kinda restricts where the Bircage can roll.


• That said, erections in the cage hurt. When you're totally in the mood, and absolutely having fun, you don't care, but the testicles can really get squeezed in that thing.
  
  Oh, I should probably elaborate on that one. See, the penis actually doesn't get most of the pain. In my case, when I get hard, I get long enough that there's a goodly amount of shaft being pushed behind the ring as well, pushing the testicles further forward, which causes squeezing. Which can get rather... Ouchy.


• Cleaning in the cage is actually remarkably straightforward - when I'm soft, I can even peel the foreskin down and clean properly, which is kinda remarkable. I haven't been noticing any particularly bad smell, and since it's mostly metal, and I can squeeze toilet paper around the bars, it's really easy to clean up after peeing too. I have, however, decided to start peeing sitting. It's not that it's messy standing up, but it can be a little harder to control.


• The sleep, as to be expected, has been rather interrupted for the first week, but I think I'm finally getting used to sleeping with it on. I also suspect the application of moisturiser to previously aforementioned bits also helps significantly in stopping night erections from waking me up. For example, I don't remember actually waking up last night, which has to be a good sign.

As for the feeling of being in Chastity again? I've discussed it previously, but having a cock cage on? It's kinda like having a collar - you can be owned without one, but having that physical reminder makes you remember it all the time. During the Year of Chastity, I spent most of that time with my chastity just sorta being this neutral state. Whereas I don't think the same would be true in the cage, if the last week has been any indication. You feel it every minute of every day, it's a constant reminder of what you've submitted to (which, admittedly, can be very... ouchy when you're turned on by chastity!), which just makes it impossible to forget.

Goin' on a date...

I wrote quite recently that I was kinda-courting a new boy. Well, I finally decided to take the plunge and ask him out, with Daddy and his best friend both sitting there being my cheerleaders (and I'm not kidding - there were literally there going "Rah rah rah!" at me, and insisting that I tell them the instant he responded back. I had honestly intended to ask him out in person, but it was getting nearly impossible to get alone time with him, so a text message had to do.

I'm not going to tell you exactly how he replied to that message, but in completely related news I'm going out on a date with him this Friday after work. I'm going to be almost useless at work the day after, but I have confidence that it's going to be absolutely worth it!

I'll admit, I've been quite excited planning and plotting this date, since I almost never go out on dates myself. Figuring out what we'll do, where we'll do it... So many options! So little time to decide. I'd tell you my plans, dear readers, but I happen to know that he's following this blog now, and I'm planning this to be a surprise for him!

Rescheduling

Since the broken elbow there has regrettably been a slip of schedule. I haven't been going to the gym, chores haven't been done as best as they could, the house doesn't get clean, and my bedtime has been getting rather... flexible.

This has been most unacceptable to Daddy, so on Sunday, we went out for a date and during that date we decided to sit down and get my schedules rearranged for the week.

While we looked at the schedule it became clear that I had been trying to shove far too much stuff into a far too small amount of time, and something had to give in my schedule. On Monday we also got a Dishwasher, so the chore of getting dishes done had suddenly become a whole lot simpler, and thankfully not too difficult to get done every day, so the machine-aided chores (things like washing dishes and washing/drying clothes), have now become nightly/morning chores. My pre-bedtime schedule has been standardised, so that I know that half an hour before I go to bed I'd better have done the nightly chores, brushed my teeth, and anything else outstanding, and my time in the morning has been structured more, to fit in the new chores and to make sure I don't end up late for work.

I'm now two days into the schedule, and thanks to Daddy's Insomnia the first day he was there making sure I went through the entire schedule (apparently I faff around a lot in the mornings!) Part of the schedule, as he points out, is to be mindful, and to do everything in the order that it is written. I'm still working on making sure I'm checking the schedule each morning and night, rather than remembering everything that needs to be done, but I'm sure that will come in time.

New Possibilities.

Quite some time back I talked about having other partners, but as might be expected from reading this blog, it hasn't exactly been a full-time search for me for a very long time. There's been a lot of confusions and a lot of unanswered questions in my head that have been making it very difficult for me to start the process of looking for another partner, and I've not been entirely sure that I've been in the mindset for new partners anyway.

Well, something's changed in the last few weeks, because all of a sudden there's been a particular boy that I've had my eye on. He is a leather-pup (currently owned by a friend of mine) incredibly geeky, quick-witted, cute, and kind-hearted - so, a lot like me. Also, admittedly, it probably helped that the first time we met we ended up snogging, so there's definitely a mutual attraction there.

Of course, there's one important step that, thus far, I haven't actually gone through with yet, and that's actually telling the boy that actually yes I do like-like him. Have had a couple of points where I'd planned to tell him but wasn't able to do it in a private environment, but really that's just partly delay on my end.

I must admit to being a bit excited by the whole thing, even if I feel like a bit of a doofus for having all this attraction and not really feeling like I've done terribly much about it. And vague, flirty text messages are not, unfortunately, a substitute for the more direct "I think you're really hot and I'd like to do dirty things with you".

But, one step at a time, I guess!

Fear of Community.

I freely admit - it's been a while since I've been part of a community.

I was heavily involved in the geek communities when I was at uni - to the point where I was making clubs, being on committees, organising things. I was there whenever I could, I'd participate however I could, I was a part of that group.

And then I graduated. I left uni for the outside world. For a while it was still okay - I was still living around some of my friends so I still had tethers in that community, but once I moved across the city, Those tethers started getting a whole lot more tenuous.

And so, for the last couple of years, I haven't really been connected to any community, certainly not in the same sense. And I think that needs to have some explanation. See, I do go the kink events, and I help Daddy out with events that he holds for the Kink community, but me? I don't really make much of an effort to really be part of the community as a whole. And while I have a lot of friends in the kink scene and a lot of queer friends, they're so dispersed it's not really a community.

I bring this up because me and Daddy had a discussion last night about my feelings on becoming an honest-to-god Leather Boy. And after a lot of discussion, the main thing that seems to be holding me back is becoming part of a community again. And let me tell you, that's a bit strange - you'd think that I'd relish the opportunity to be part of a community again, but I have this real reluctance to get back into another community.

Daddy, of course, made the perfectly valid observation that I've been resisting it because to become part of a community I'd have to engage with said community, and I've been in a heavy cycle of disengagement from the world around me. I've been happy to interact with the world around me, but only as an outsider, because the beauty of being an outsider is that you never have to commit - you can say your piece and leave scott-free.

So, I guess, the main fear isn't really about community - it's about engaging, and we already knew I had that problem. I've alway been more comfortable being distant, but that's not something that I can keep doing.

So, what was the answer to whether I want to be a Leather Boy? I'm still not sure yet. I think it's going to turn out to be yes, but I may have to get dragged kicking and screaming to get there!