Well-pleased with myself

The other think that happened at Kinky last week was that I got to have another opportunity of playing with my friend EB. We're both happily switchy sensation sluts, and we both know it. I've played with her a couple of times previously, and even outside of play we're both very huggy people towards each other - Touch is a shared passion for us.

Our main play ritual ends up being pretty simple - She lies down, eyes closed. I then take whatever is in my toybox at the time and use it to make different sensations on her skin. Because my Sensation toykit is not terribly advanced as of yet, I often improvise to come up with as many sensations as I can think of - my blindfold, for example, has both a leather side and a divinely soft fur side, which makes it a brilliant sensation toy in a pinch. Things like plastic wrapped fingers, paintbrushes, hairbrushes, floggers, even hairpins and such get used to good effect. At the end of the session, I take EB through all the toys I used, with her often being amazed at what gets used.

After this session, she told me that when I play with her, it often feels like she's being spoiled, which made me feel very happy - Sensation play is one of the few areas in BDSM where I feel genuinely confident, and for EB to compliment those skills makes me very happy indeed.

Through the night, EB also ended up playing with me as well - first just a few minutes of her lightly scratching her nails down my back, which was brilliant, and then later in the night she and Daddy decided to tag-team me with a pair of Vampire Gloves. It was, by the way, incredibly fun watching Daddy and EB, with two very different sensation styles. EB was almost experimental, going lightly and doing rather unexpected things with her glove, like holding wrists and exerting pressure, while Daddy, knowing my body a lot more, went right for my sensitive spots.

By the by, Vampire gloves are absolutely brilliant, and give the most intense sensations I've had for a while. Daddy has told me that he's ordered a pair, and I'm half-tempted to buy a pair myself, because they are seriously great! Certainly something I want in my sensation kit, that's for sure!

Ponies!

So, for the last few months, my Daddy has been promising his new girl that she would get a pony-ride. In lieu of real ponies, my Daddy decided to improvise, and so last Kinky I became a pony for a little portion of the night.

Now, I should digress here - Me taking people for rides has ended badly before. At a recent birthday party of mine, I decided that I was going to take a friend of mine for a piggy-back ride around the park we were at. As a result of uneven ground, going too damn fast, and forgetting that I'm actually an adult and don't have the same tolerance for injury anymore, I ended up with my arm in a sling for the rest of the party, and then a quick trip to the hospital to show that nothing was broken, just a really bad sprain. It, as well as a few other things, caused quite the epiphany, which I may write about at a later date.

But back the the Pony rides.

So we got there, waited for his new girl to arrive, and then got started on rigging me up (see, Daddy made my pony gear out of rope, because hey, when you got lemons...). We'd decided before that we'd give me some practice by giving another one of our friends a pony ride. On reflection, it might not have been the best choice - she was a whole lot heavier than we'd anticipated, and it tired me out terribly. But still, our friend enjoyed her ride, and then Daddy's Girl got to give me a try. She decided that what she wanted was a fun, fast ride. Daddy, having been there for my last piggy-back malfunction, had warned me in no uncertain terms that a canter was as fast as I was to go. Worse, my severe unfitness meant I could only do a single lap around the club (although quite a few people seemed to enjoy the sudden run!)

So, in all, we learned a few things - firstly, I am really unfit. Need to get to the gym more often than I'm going if I'm going to be doing this more often. Also, I was kinda under the impression that the Pony ride was mostly going to be a standard piggy-back with more bondage, but I was very clearly wrong on that end - having to get the gait going was not what I was expecting. Also, my favourite blue leather pants are not appropriate for that kind of play - they're a bit too constricting. Will have to think about other options for pony play.

Also, I'm dreading the point where we start adding heels to the equation - I mean, I'm not too bad with heels, and I've yet to cause any real damage with myself, but having someone on your back while you're in heels? I'm very worried that I'm going to just fall over and hurt someone - possibly myself!

Daddy says there's going to be more training, I suspect that will start in earnest once we move into our own house. I have a lot of training to do, I suspect, if I'm going to make even a half-way decent pony-boy!

Additional thoughts on Chastity

So, I'm back in the CB-6000 for the next while, and since it's been a while, Me and Daddy decided to do a few things a little differently. As such I have a brand new set of thoughts:

The Stocking Method. As it turns out, it's a really good method for getting a cage on really quickly. For those unaware, the stocking method involves getting a cheap/old stocking, placing the penis in one end, and feeding the other end through the pee slot in the device, then pulling the stocking through the device, effectively shimmying the penis snugly in. You then pull the rest of the stocking out. Easy!

So, the good part is that it takes almost no time at all to get everything in - instead of the standard 10-15 minutes of starting, getting hard, stopping, then another mad dash of shoving penis in until I get hard and have to stop again (which also includes all the pinching and pain of having loose skin everywhere and getting in the way). The stocking method not only pulls it through really quickly with a minimum of fuss, but there's no loose skin around the bottom of the cage, so there's no problems with sudden pinching when you're trying to get the cage and the ring linked together. It's absolutely brilliant.

Foreskin problems. There's just one little problem - it means that my foreskin sticks a little bit out of the device. This is actually really awkward, and a really big problem, for the very good reason is that now I have pinching on the other end of the cage. If I wear underwear, the foreskin pinches between the hard plastic and the underwear, and it's actually really hard to get things rearranged without looking weird about it.

At the moment, I'm working around the problem by not wearing underwear, but this is just a temporary fix at best. I don't think it's going to work as a permanent solution (besides, I like underwear, a lot, almost to fetish levels, and I don't want to have to lose the item of clothing I like the most!).

The other permanent solution would be to get circumcised. Which, honestly, I could go for, and was considering long before this point, so I'd actually be okay with, but Daddy really doesn't want me to at all - he much prefers me to be uncut as I am now. I really like the look of cut cocks, and I'd love to see mine cut, but of course for the moment that's not a solution that can really be implemented very quickly anyway, so for the moment, I really need to find some other options.

Probably a slightly better and less drastic solution would be to just cave in and get The Curve I guess, but then we chose against it for visibility purposes. We didn't actually gauge the real visibility of the Curve, but it may well end up being the better solution in the end, since it's quite likely that I'm actually a little too big for the CB-6000 in general.

I think before I go for any solution I'm going to have to do some talking with other men in chastity and see if anyone has some good solutions to the foreskin problem other than the above. If there's an easy way to fix it, then it seems obvious to try them first, really, before doing something more expensive or more drastic!

An unfortunate absence

You will probably have noticed that I've been gone for the last month or so. The simple answer is that life has frankly completely exploded, and updating this blog was absolutely the last thing on my mind. With all the stress and disaster going on in my life, it's brought my kink life to a total standstill, as me and my Daddy struggle just to keep ourselves safe and sane. Further, moving Daddy out of his apartment into my sharehouse means that he hasn't had a lot of energy to devote to our kink.

Worse, the stress of the last few weeks seems to be pushing me back into old patterns. It's not surprising I guess - when under enough stress, you start turning back to the behaviours that you used to cope with the stress, and of course, the behaviours are still in your head, just waiting to reactivate. But there were good reason for me turning away from those behaviours, as they make me incredibly unhappy, and this just adds further and further to the stress. About the only times where I can feel like the stress isn't there is in the arms of my Daddy, which just makes the periods away from him even harder. I'm hoping that I have the inner strength to wrench myself away from those old patterns again, but it seems so hard this time.

To be honest, despite me not really being in much of a headspace, I miss a lot of our D/s. I have been doing random acts of service to my Daddy, as much as I can, I have been his support as he goes through some very stressful times in his life, but of course, I'm also going through stress, so this is a time where I have needed my Daddy just as much. And he has been there for me so much, I am so glad to have him, and I'm so glad that he is there with me.

And I am torn somewhat, because as much as I would crave more D/s during this time, I know that ultimately, it's not going to be healthy - it would be a way to distract myself from the emotions that I have. My job already gives me enough of that - talking to people for my entire work period means I can just lock away my emotions behind my demeanor on the phone. And it simply doesn't work - I've broken down once from not facing the emotions. Running away from myself by being all-consumed by my Daddy is a wonderful dream, but would be so unhealthy for me that it would tear me apart, and my Daddy would rightly stop me from doing so.

So it seems that I am in something of an unfortunate absence. My D/s duties are lighter than I would like, and yet, I'm concerned that any heavier and I'll destroy myself. I guess the answer is to simply take everything one step at a time, to know that I have permission from the world to slow down and recover, and to not think I'm recovered already. Today, Daddy has promised me another go in my chastity cage, after a very long time without, and I can't wait to see how this goes.

Fantasy Boy for May, 2010

This week has been a rather quiet one on the kinky front. Me and my Daddy continue to trundle along, so there's not a great deal to report this week, and my experiments in chastity have been put on hold for a while as I recover from the Sickness That Refuses To Die.

So, with no news, I give my dear readers another look into my Various fantasies.

Cage living
As me and Daddy have talked about the various logistics of moving in together, it's brought back to mind going back to sleeping in the cage again. The fantasies around this are pretty simplistic, but adding it to moving in together just adds to it. In my little fantasy world, I see that my bedroom becomes my Cageroom, and I don't really have a bed anymore (my bed becomes the guest bed, or possibly my Daddy's bed - either way, it stops being my general sleeping locale). To be frank, I really, really loved sleeping in the cage, even if it was uncomfortable and hard and cold, and I often woke up during the night, needing to stretch out my knees because they had started to cramp. Sleeping in the cage made me feel more at home than any other protocol that we had set up.

Due to various reasons, I stopped sleeping in the cage, but I still miss it deeply. If it was going to be my sole sleeping accomodation, I'd probably sit down and made some more comfortable bedding for the inside of the cage, because hard steel floors are probably not brilliant for my body, but I can't wait until sleeping in the cage becomes a reality once more.

Being a canvas
I have rather high exhibitionist tendencies. I like being the centre of attention, I like being noticed, and this goes beyond BDSM. It's among the many reasons why I love playing in public with my Daddy - because he gets to show off his skills, and I get to have the fun of being the centre of those skills for a while. I also often have this big desire to be part of the creative process. It's one of the reasons I tend to feel a little odd when I'm watching people I know be really creative - there's a level of jealousy watching people create because that's never been my forte - I don't create things from scratch, I take what others have made and either duplicate or elaborate. Where my Daddy can take components in the kitchen and figure out how to make something new that will taste delicious, I look at what I have, and figure out how to make stuff I already know from what's left over (I'm very much a packet cooker in the kitchen, I rarely make things all the way from scratch).

So, the idea of being a model, or otherwise being within the creation process makes me feel like I'm in the part of the creative process that I desperately want to be part of, but never seem to be able to get myself into. Not just for my Daddy's rope-work, although that's something I do wish we did more often. Also things like being the canvas for body art, or being a model for photography, even if, frankly, I suck at modelling (too much of an exhibitionist, in this case, I can't act natural in front of a camera).

Random Chastity Thoughts

Earlier in the week, Daddy put the cage back on me, to try for another round. Since it had slipped off the last week, we decided to try a tighter ring and a small spacer. However, we may have picked a too-tight ring - it became uncomfortable much earlier than expected, and we removed the cage after a few days.

However! This round has allowed me to test the cage under more conditions, so, here is my list of things that are easy and hard to do with a chastity device on.

Easy

• Work. Seriously, don't have a single problem with the thing on while I'm at work. Apparently my work is not sexy in the slightest. Even going to the toilet is not a major issue at all - I just use the stalls, since my work is not exactly NSFW.


• Go to the gym. This was a bit surprising to me at the time, I was expecting a lot more trouble, but strangely enough, having your cock in chastity does absolutely nothing to your gym experience. And of course, I don't where particularly tight pants to the gym, so there's no way anyone around me knows I'm wearing it. It's basically just like a usual work-out.

Hard

• Sleep Uninterruptedly. I can get to sleep with the cage on, not a problem. The trick, is managing to stay asleep when you start randomly getting hard throughout the night. Now, when you're awake, an unexpected hardon isn't a problem - you can just think other thoughts, or do something else, until it goes away. When you're in bed, and all you can focus in is the pain, and you're trying not to stimulate yourself? It's much harder. Especially on very cold nights when you don't want to get out of the covers to walk around to get yourself back down enough to go back to sleep (and of course, this is only temporary - once you start trying to sleep again...).


• Meditation. Mostly because of the above. When I'm meditating, I'm explicitly trying to focus on whatever's going through my head, and what's happening in the now. Well, let me tell you, a cage has this tendency to focus all your thoughts around your penis for the first while. So, when you try to meditate, your thoughts obviously focus on the cage, which makes me aroused which... yeah, you can see where this is going. Although, it may be a great opportunity to learn to meditate through pain...

In other news, I ended up looking around the web for various chastity resources, and came upon This thread on a Baptist forum, a sudden reminder that for a lot of people, chastity isn't actually kinky - in fact, chastity is considered entirely non-sexual (for obvious reasons). I mean, I know that chastity as a kink is actually only a small sub-section of actual chastity users - chastity is used around the world in a far more serious context. But threads like this just bring it into sharp relief. And also make me glad that I'm in it for the kink reasons!

A brief note: It was pointed out to me that actually, the landover baptist church is a parody. My only defense is that I've seen things much, much weirder that are not parody...

Living with Daddy

Me and my Daddy have recently made the decision to move in together into a new home. This has been a subject that we've been discussing for quite some time, and not one that either of us have entered into lightly.

After all, there are so many issues that could complicate the whole matter. We are both polyamorous, which means that we're likely to bring partners home. Because we're in a D/s relationship, the question of chores and general home maintenance is not straightforward (you'd think it is, but the sub doing all the housework can lead to resentment if not treated sensitively). We also have issues of sleeping arrangements (am I going to start sleeping in the cage again, and is that going to be my regular arrangement, and if so do I still get to keep a bed for if I bring a partner home?). Also, my Daddy has issues living with partners, and I have no experience living with partners whatsoever, so for both of us it's going to be a serious learning curve in getting back to partner living.

But then, there will be so much more positive things to look forward to. I've noticed recently that when my Daddy leaves after we've been together for a while, my mood crashes. It'll be nice to no longer have that crash every week or so. I'll be living in a house where nudity is acceptable. We'll have the chance to have a much larger house between the two of us, rather than mostly just having our rooms. We'll be able to engage in much more play, and much more extended play. It will give us the opportunity to begin building a stronger D/s relationship, maybe even start building protocols between the two of us.

And then there's all the homemakery things that I enjoy so much, like being able to decorate the new place, to have a new kitchen to play around in, maybe even have our own backyard, which will be really nice. All in all, I'm quite looking forward to moving in with my Daddy, even if it won't be for a few months. Even if there are some stumbling blocks in the first few months of living, I have no doubt that we can work through them, as we have worked through the issues we've had throughout this relationship.

The Collar

So, over the last few weeks, me and Daddy went on a trip to Adelaide for a a funeral. Because we were flying over, Daddy, decided that it was important to take the collar off during the flight. During the flight I had no issues, because I'm a nervous flyer anyway, and didn't really think to worry about it much, but since Daddy decided he wanted to clean the collar before putting it back on me, I spent almost an entire day without it on.

Oh my god it was the most discomforting thing I have had to endure. I was constantly feeling my neck for a lock that wasn't there. I'd gotten so used to having the lock there, that not having it there was entirely alien. I even slept without the collar, and that was really disconcerting.

I think that next time I fly, I'm going to insist that Daddy put the collar back on me as soon as we have our luggage again. Not having that reminder is really, really uncomfortable, and I will have none of it!

Interruptions to life

There've been a few interruptions to life in the past week consisting of a death in the family and getting sick, which has pretty much dropped any kink play for the past week, so this week's entry is going to be quite brief. This week, I shall give an affirmation to myself. To show what I am good at, what I have to offer to my Daddy.

I am a boy. I am a boy who loves service, and I love serving my Daddy in particular. I love being there when he needs and/or wants a helping hand. I'm not a jealous boy. When my Daddy takes interest in other people, I know that there is nothing to fear, because he loves me muchly, and he would never intentionally starve me of what I need in our relationship.

I am ever willing to improve. When my Daddy identifies an issue, I am willing to talk about that issue with him, and I am willing to negotiate on how to resolve that issue. I have the ability to communicate with him, even if it's sometimes hard.

I am brave. Many things my Daddy asks me to do are scary, but I am willing to move past my fear and do them for not just him, but also for myself. I fear much, but I am willing to face my fear. Things in my life often cause me strife, bring me pain, or otherwise hurt me, but I am willing and able to push past these things and do what must be done.

These things I hold as good things within myself. For all my faults, these are what make me a good Boy, and a good Person, someone who will be a great boy in his own right, not merely a boy attached to a great Daddy.

A boy with lovely locks...

So, yesterday was the day - we went and got a CB-6000 chastity device. Rather than buy one sight unseen over the internet, we decided to go to a physical store in Melbourne to buy it (we ended up going to Mannhaus, which I cannot strongly recommend enough). After talking with the lovely Richard about various devices, I ended up going for the CB-6000, instead of the Curve. The only thing we were worried about was sizing, but we also wanted something that would be mostly inconspicuous under clothing, so the 6000 it was.

When me and Daddy got home, we decided to try getting it on, which as it turned out was a lot more trouble than imagined. Since, of course, chastity is one of my biggest fantasies, and my Daddy was helping, it meant that getting it on was as much a matter of frantic 2-3 seconds of getting it in, realising we'd missed the opportunity, then waiting for me to calm down enough to give it another try. Still, after a good half an hour of work, we finally reached the point where we could lock it up, and we decided, since it took so much damn effort getting it on in the first place, that we'd keep me locked up for the night as we went out.

So, there were a few things I was expecting, and a few things I wasn't. The big thing I wasn't really expecting was how hyper-aware of your penis it makes you. It's probably just because I'm not used to having a big plastic cage over my penis, but when you're walking around, or sitting down, or doing just about any sort of movement, you're all of a sudden aware of the fact that you're in the cage.

Speaking of the hyperawareness, I kept expecting that people will be able to see the bulges, or otherwise be able to figure it out. I know that it's just anxiety on my behalf - the actual lines of the device are not visible under clothing, not even under my nice-fitting jeans. Not surprising, seeing as that's what we bought them for!

The other thing that I wasn't expecting was how little pain there was when I did get hard in the cage. I was preparing myself for every erection to be a very uncomfortable and horrible affair, but actually it's not terribly difficult at all. It's mostly just a sensation of things being a bit tight, and then it sorta goes away after a while.

I did find that after hugging my Daddy for a while, the 6000 got extremely uncomfortable, and we ended up taking it off for the night. I haven't started wearing it again until this evening, which is when Daddy and I took photos of the device.

Tonight is the night where I'm going to try sleeping with it on. Daddy is trying to ease me into long-term wear, so he's ordered me to take it off in the morning unless it's completely and totally comfortable still in the morning. I admit, I really want to believe that I can keep it on straight off (as it were), but I guess it's a matter of waiting and seeing, really.

It will be interesting to see what happens from here. First I have a lock around my neck, now a lock around my cock. I wonder how many locks I'll be wearing at the end of this journey?