Day 14: Reality vs Fantasy

Part of my 30 Days of Kink

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Well, the obvious answer is that real life BDSM actually happens.

But seriously, the difference? Fantasy BDSM has all the difficult bits cut out. In a fantasy, things can make no sense at all and still be kinky. You can be locked in those chains for hours without any real side effects, You can have strange, magical abilities and noone's the wiser. You can assume, right off the top of the bat that the people you are playing with are as excited about your kink as you are, are totally consenting, and will go as far as you want them to. Whatever you want, is there in your head, right there for your viewing/experiential pleasure.

But the problem is, that perfect fantasy only has room for one person.

Real BDSM means having to deal with the limitations of the world. It means having to work with partners to find a compromise for the kink that you want. It means that sometimes, your partner isn't going to be comfortable with how far you want to go. It means that some really hot things just cause too much discomfort or pain to be able to actually do. It means that on occaision, you have to deal with your partner's kinks, and get excited about them sometimes too. It means that you have to stop the kink sometimes so you can go out into the real world and actually do that living thing.

But it means that you get to share that wonderful experience of Kink with another real life person. It means that you get to find wonderful new things that you would never have imagined you could want to do, and it turns out beautifully. It means that you get to laugh at all those awkward bits and pieces of a scene. It means that you get to actually talk to someone about what you want, and get the thrill of them being happy to try it for you. You get to love your partner/playmate, get to explore things, and then get to help them experience the things they want to. Sometimes you have to bow out, for whatever reason, but that's okay, because they know that you're a real person, not a fantasy, and they'll nurture and help you through whatever's going through your head.

That's the difference. Fantasy Kink is easy and simple, but it's by it's definition a lonely road. Real Kink is challenging, sometimes frustrating, but rewarding, because you're actually sharing an experience with the people around you.