Day 17: Misconceptions

Part of my 30 Days of Kink

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

I think probably the biggest misconception that I'd like to point out to people is that kinky relationships are not equivalent to meek, subsumed little subby with domineering, control-freak dominant. It seems to be a really common misconception, and honestly, it bugs the hell out of me. Not least because I'm most certainly not in a relationship like that (although admittedly, you wouldn't know it if I'm with Daddy in an unfamiliar environment - I can be pretty shy if I don't know anyone around me). Kinky relationships look exactly like regular relationships - there's still that back-and-forth that goes on, with people on both sides making compromises and (preferably) communicating between each other. I'm sure there are relationships where one person never has any input into the relationship, and I'm sure there are even a few people who are happy with such relationships, but I don't think, somehow, that these are the majority relationships in the BDSM community.

Because those are the sorts of things that healthy relationships do. Any sort of relationship is a living, breathing thing, constantly changing, and thus constantly needing to be renegotiated. Now, a Dominant in a relationship is certainly going to have more power to get what they want out of these negotiations, but the Submissive needs to get something out of it as well! If they're not getting anything out of the relationship, why are they still there?

So yeah. When I see this conception of kinky relationships where the sub is just basically this shell? It bugs me a little. That's certainly not what my relationship is like, and honestly, I'm not sure that such a relationship is that healthy, in most cases.